Daily Mirror

HER DAD HAS RUINED MARRIAGE

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Dear Coleen

My wife will be 40 next year and wants a baby before she’s too old. I don’t really want kids, but I’m not happy where we live and want to move. We agreed to compromise – if she’s willing to up sticks with me, I’d be happy to try for a baby.

The problem is her family – her dad in particular. When she told them he went on a rant, telling her she’s making a big mistake. A couple of weeks later he turned on the waterworks and my wife, who is close to her family, has decided she won’t move.

I spent a lot of time, effort and money organising the move, but now we are living apart. What do we do about this mess? Everything was fine until her dad interfered.

Coleen says

I understand your anger and frustratio­n, especially as you’d found a solution you were both happy with and then her dad ruined it all. This is your marriage at stake and you can’t live your lives based on what her family wants.

I think it would be a good idea to have counsellin­g so there’s an impartial mediator there who can help you voice your feelings and listen to the other person.

You need to understand what’s motivating her – maybe she’s riddled with guilt about moving away from her family – and she needs to appreciate your point of view.

It might be you have to think about another compromise – for example, relocating for a year and trying for a baby, and seeing how it goes.

But if she still insists she can’t leave her family, you have a big decision to make. If you stay together, will every decision still be based on how her father reacts?

Also, bear in mind that family is a godsend when you do have kids in terms of practical and emotional support, and babysittin­g. If you do relocate and have a child, you might find that you both want to move back to be nearer your families.

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