I’M ENGAGED BUT SLEEPING WITH MY EX

Dear Coleen

I’m engaged to get married to my long-term partner, but I’m having an affair with my ex-boyfriend.

The thing is, I don’t know if I’m marrying my boyfriend because I love him, or if I’m doing it for the sake of getting married, or because I think marrying him is the right thing to do.

Do I confess to my fiancé that I’m having an affair? Or do I say nothing and marry him anyway not knowing why I’m marrying him?

I need some guidance.

Coleen says

Of course you mustn’t marry him while you feel like this. There’s only one answer here and that’s don’t do it. You shouldn’t even be engaged to your boyfriend while you’re sleeping with someone else behind his back.

Don’t feel pressured by other people’s expectations or even that some of the wedding arrangements have already been made – all that can be cancelled. And it’s a lot easier to cancel things now than go through a divorce afterwards.

Yes, it’s a big thing to say you don’t want to get married any more because you’re not only breaking his heart, you’re potentially upsetting a lot of other people too. But if one of my kids came to me, even the night before their wedding, to say they were having doubts and didn’t want to go through with it, I’d advise them not to walk down that aisle.

If you think anything of your boyfriend at all, please don’t marry him under false pretences. It’s kinder to break his heart now than go through with the wedding and for him to find out about the affair once you’re married.