PANICKED BY FAILING SEX LIFE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for 10 years and we had a really great sex life until we moved in with each other. It’s been five months now – sex is boring and we hardly ever do it.

She says she doesn’t get any pleasure from it any more, so I don’t know what to think. She keeps saying she will go to the doctor, but it never happens.

I feel pushed away and get snapped at most of the time for nothing. I’m not sure if she’s seeing someone or if she has cheated on me, but it feels like she’s not telling me something.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m sticking with my partner as we have kids, but I feel close to cheating on her, even though I don’t want to.

What should I do?

Coleen says I think you need to ask her to make the doctor’s appointment now or just be honest and tell you what the real problem is.

Explain that by avoiding the subject she’s making you feel insecure and paranoid.

She needs to know that you’re not willing to let the situation carry on – you either do something about it or accept that it’s not right for either of you any more.

There’s no point in trying to guess what’s behind her behaviour, and the longer you leave it, the more unhappy and paranoid you’ll become.

It’ll get to the point where every time she goes out to buy a pint of milk, you’ll think she’s up to something. I’ve been there and it’s a horrible place to be, so tackle it now. Sort out your relationship – even if it’s agreeing to take a break from each other to work out whether you want to be together.

Yes, if you have kids, it’s always worth trying every avenue to make things work, but it shouldn’t be the reason you stay, because they’ll grow up and leave home.

As long as you don’t use your kids to hurt each other during a separation, they’ll be OK.

You can still be good parents if you’re not together.