I’M SLEEPING WITH MATE OF MY BROTHER

Dear Coleen

My brother is 21 and I’m 20. We’ve always been really close and get on well, which is why I feel guilty about my current situation. For the last couple of months I’ve been sleeping with his best friend, who’s 27.

At first I thought it would be a one- off and that it would be easy to keep from my brother, but we carried on sleeping together and last week he told me he loves me.

I don’t know what to do. I like him, but I don’t think I love him, and my brother makes things complicated.

I don’t want to ruin our relationship, and I really don’t want to ruin their friendship. I know this is a mess, but do you have any advice?

Coleen says

Why are you assuming you’ll ruin everything by being honest? As far as your boyfriend goes – I guess that’s what he is now – it’s OK to say that you don’t know if you love him because that’s the truth.

Tell him you’re not at that stage yet and you don’t want to lie.

And if the relationship is going to continue, then I think you should tell your brother.

You can’t keep sneaking around and, if you do, he will work it out at some point and want to know why you didn’t tell him.

You’re all grown-ups. Yes, if things go wrong with the relationship it could be awkward for all of you, but that’s the risk you take, I’m afraid.