SHOCKED OVER GAY DAUGHTER

Dear Coleen

Our daughter is 31 and lives in another part of the country, so we don’t get to see her as often as we’d like.

She came home for the weekend recently and said she needed have a serious chat to us about something and then proceeded to tell us she was gay and had a partner she was serious about.

She said she’d known she was a lesbian since her teens, but had never been brave enough to say anything. My husband and I were really shocked because we literally had no clue – she even had a couple of boyfriends at school and college.

She wants us to meet her girlfriend and says they’re talking about using a sperm donor to have a baby. My husband and I love our daughter very much and want her to be happy, and we’ve been supportive, but we also feel slightly overwhelmed and a bit worried about meeting her partner. Any advice?

Coleen says

You clearly had no idea, so I understand why it’s thrown you. But I think it’s wonderful she trusts you enough to confide in you – it sounds like it took a lot of courage for her to come out to you and it must have been stressful to live a double life for years. What you have to focus on now is your love for her and her happiness.

And it’s OK to admit to her you were shocked – I’m sure she expected that and also that you’ll need time to get your head around it. She’s hit you with a triple whammy – a revelation about her sexuality, a serious partner and plans for a baby. It’s also OK to ask her questions – she’ll expect that, too. As for her partner, I’m sure she’s nervous about meeting you, too. Why not meet at a pub or cafe the first time? It’ll be informal rather than sitting in silence in your living room with a cuppa.

You might find FFLAG helpful – an organisation that supports parents with lesbian, gay and bisexual children. fflag.org.uk.