Hus­band’s moods have ru­ined Christ­mas again

Daily Mirror - - DEAR COLEEN -

I’m start­ing to won­der if he is de­pressed

Dear Coleen

I don’t know why it is, but my hus­band and I al­ways ar­gue over the Christ­mas pe­riod and it to­tally ru­ins things.

The same thing has hap­pened this year and it’s down to the fact he be­comes so moody and snappy on the run up to Christ­mas Day.

It’s as if he hates spend­ing time with me and our kids when he should be en­joy­ing the time off – he only gets two weeks’ hol­i­day ev­ery year.

In­evitably, I snap back at him and we spend the hol­i­day ei­ther shout­ing at each other or not talk­ing at all.

I can’t un­der­stand why he’s like this be­cause I do all the prepa­ra­tion – buy­ing the gifts dec­o­rat­ing the house and all the cook­ing!

Our kids are 12 and 14, and it can’t be much fun for them. They prob­a­bly dread Christ­mas when all their friends look for­ward to it.

I’m start­ing to won­der if my hus­band is de­pressed or if he just doesn’t want to be with us any more.

I’m cer­tainly get­ting to the point where I’m think­ing of call­ing time on our mar­riage. Have you any idea why he be­haves like this?

Coleen says

It’s ac­tu­ally not that un­usual to find your­self ar­gu­ing with your part­ner at this time of year. You’re all forced to­gether at home for quite a long time (some­times with rel­a­tives you don’t get on with that well) and it can be a kind of pres­sure-cooker sit­u­a­tion.

You’ve spent loads of money, ex­pec­ta­tions are high, you’re in­evitably tired from all the prepa­ra­tions and the kids of­ten get bored and badly be­haved. It’s a lot of pres­sure.

Per­haps there is a deeper rea­son why he dreads this time of year in par­tic­u­lar, but if that’s the case he needs to ac­knowl­edge it rather than just get­ting an­gry and ar­gu­men­ta­tive.

Talk to him about wider is­sues – how he feels about your mar­riage and why he seems so unhappy – but do it once the hol­i­days are over and every­one is back to work and school.

If there’s noth­ing more be­hind it other than the fact he hates Christ­mas and would rather be at work or any­where else than sat round a turkey with his near­est and dear­est, then do some­thing dif­fer­ent next year.

Per­haps he could spend some of the hol­i­day on his own, do­ing some­thing he en­joys, or maybe you could all go away to­gether.

But he needs to grow up and stop be­hav­ing like a spoilt child who’s dis­ap­pointed with his toys from Santa!

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