HE WON’T BIN SNAPS OF HIS EXES

Dear Coleen

My gentleman friend and I are both in our 60s and we’ve been going out together for two years. I’m a widow and he’s a bachelor.

Over the years, he’s had a few girlfriends and still has photographs of them. I’ve hinted that he should destroy them, but he hasn’t. He tells me they represent happy memories. However, he’s with me now and we are planning to move in together.

I would appreciate your view on the situation. Do you think I’m being unreasonable? Or is he still a bit too fond of these exes? It makes me feel uncomfortable that he’s held on to them.

Coleen says

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him having these photos if they’re kept in a box or in an album in a cupboard. And I certainly don’t think you should feel threatened by them – he’s not looking at them thinking, ‘I wish I was still with her’. He’s with you and you’re moving in together, so try not to let this small thing spoil a lovely time in your life.

If you were telling me they were on display or they were sexual images, then I think you’d be within your rights to insist they were put away or thrown out. But they’re just part of his past and a reminder of different times in his life, so I understand why he wouldn’t want to destroy them. It would feel a bit like destroying those memories. I think you need to try to be less hung up on his past and look forward to your future together.