PARTNER MOCKED MY ILL BROTHER

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and we recently put down the deposit for a flat together. However, we were on a night out with his friends and one of them called me “crazy” as a joke. My boyfriend quipped: “Wait until you meet her brother – what a basket case.”

My brother is schizophrenic and was only recently discharged from a mental health facility. I was furious and haven’t spoken to my boyfriend since.

I don’t know what to do now. I was excited about us starting our lives together, but I don’t know if I can see a future with him now.

One of the things I loved about him was that he was great with my family, but now he’s publicly mocked my brother’s illness I see him completely differently.

Coleen says

If you haven’t had a proper discussion with him, then I think you have to tell him how his comment made you feel. This is an ongoing struggle for your brother and your family, and not something that’s at all funny.

However, I think there’s a good chance he thought he was being funny in front of his friends and it’s gone horribly wrong. He probably realised it was insensitive and inappropriate as soon as it came out of his mouth.

So, while his comment was flippant and thoughtless, he probably didn’t realise how hurtful and misjudged it was.

Often when people are uncomfortable about a situation, they cover it with humour – I’ve done it myself in different situations.

So, I wouldn’t end the relationship immediately, but explain to him that it’s not a laughing matter for you, and then give him a chance to respond.

I doubt he’d say anything along those lines again once you educate him on the impact this illness has on your loved ones.