LEAVING MY HUSBAND AT 59 IS SCARY

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for 35 years and have four grown-up children.

My husband has always been a big drinker and our relationship hasn’t been good for a long time. A couple of weeks ago my son caught him in a clinch with a work colleague in our local pub.

Obviously, he was furious and made him come home and confess. He apologised and blamed drink.

I feel so humiliated and at a loss as to know what to do. Should I just brush it under the carpet and carry on in a virtually loveless marriage? Leaving at 59 seems a scary option.

Coleen says I understand that fear – I’ve felt it and it does feel like the scary option. I’ve recently separated from my second husband and I certainly didn’t plan it at 53.

However, the thought of staying in a loveless marriage is also frightening and you shouldn’t do it if the only reason is because you’ll be on your own at 59.

Leaving aside the drunken clinch in the pub, which feels to me like a “last straw” moment, you admit you’ve been feeling this way for a long time. For me now, the bit I’m enjoying is the independence and not having to worry if someone loves me or not. It’s wearing to try to make something work that isn’t.

Even if you’re not feeling brave enough to walk, let your husband know you’re thinking about it.

And when you put the wheels in motion, each step gives you the confidence to keep going. If the only thing keeping you in this marriage is your age, don’t stay.

You can have a much happier life and you have the support of your kids. I know from letters I’ve received that it’s never too late to start again. I’m banking on it!