He said he adored me but now he keeps walking out

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together 17 months and have lived with each other for nearly a year. We were good friends before we got together and he has been by my side while I separated from my husband.

My marriage didn’t last long, and the repercussions were massive in terms of family and friends because my ex managed to convince a lot of people the relationship breakdown was my fault.

My current partner and I had an amazing relationship until a couple of months ago. We bickered like any couple, but would make up quickly and there were never any big issues.

He treated me like a princess and we adored each other. However, recently he walked out twice and came back the next day, genuinely remorseful.

This left me panicky and on edge, and I became quite needy and emotional, which isn’t like me.

He has now left again and this time he’s taken all of his stuff and has said it’s because he wants to “sort himself out” so he stops hurting me.

But he’s expecting me to wait for him to decide if and when he’s ready to come back.

He’s petrified of hurting me but now he’s cut off all communication with me, which is devastating.

I just don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

If I were in your shoes, alarm bells would be ringing loudly. This isn’t easy to hear, but I think he’s either panicking because things are getting serious between you and he’s not sure he’s ready for that commitment, or perhaps he’s met someone else. The reason I say that is because everything was great and then all of a sudden you’re bickering and he’s walking out.

It sounds as if he feels guilty but, instead of coming out and being honest, he’s dragging it out because he knows it’ll break your heart.

If you are still able to get in touch with him, I’d say to him, “I think I deserve an honest explanation for why you walked out, but I’m not hanging around waiting for your decision while you refuse to talk to me”.

You’ve already been through a painful break-up, so don’t let him play with your emotions like this.

I think it’s cowardly of him to take his belongings and sever all communication, but the fact is you might never get an explanation.

Think about your own wellbeing and what you want, and don’t put your life on hold.

It might turn out that this relationship was a bridge to help you get through your break-up and get over the initial heartbreak, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right relationship for you in the long term. Good luck.

He wants me to wait as he ‘sorts himself out’