I’M OVERWHELMED BY DESPAIR

Dear Coleen

I’m finding it really hard to cope because I’m in the middle of an awful family feud and nothing I do is helping.

I lost my older sister almost three years ago to alcohol problems, then a very close friend died not long after from cancer. And my partner of six years has ended things out of the blue with very little explanation.

I don’t want to get up in the mornings and can’t sleep for more than an hour at a time.

I’m 52 and also care for my mum, which means I have no social life. I’ve had a weight problem all my life and can’t even look in the mirror.

Coleen says

I can see why you must be feeling overwhelmed. And when you feel like this, it’s very hard to see a way out of it because there’s just so much to deal with.

First of all, don’t attempt to sort out everything at once. The way to start making a difference is to focus on one thing at a time and every little step forward will take some of that weight off your shoulders and give you confidence to keep going. I’d suggest making your emotional and physical wellbeing the priority at the moment and finding a way to create more time for yourself. You’re crying out for some TLC.

If you’re spending long periods at home, it’s really important to find something outside of that to help you relax and build up your self-esteem. Try to find a local group – see meetup.com – and find out what’s available in terms of respite care for your mum. You can talk to your GP about how you’re feeling, too.

You don’t say what the family feud is about, but if you start doing things for yourself instead of focusing on other people, it’ll seem less important. You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself and the way you react to them. Good luck.