POLLYOMETER

Going up... Look What You Made Me Do

As wooing attempts go, it was bold... a man in Connecticut robbed a bank last week, drove to the home of the object of his affection, and threw some of the money over the fence. He was arrested soon afterwards, and is currently in jail – i.e. there’s no way Taylor Swift can even get in touch to tell him whether it worked or not.

Shish happens

The UK’s first vegan kebab shop has opened, and although the impulse to roll your eyes is almost uncontrollable – hold on. The only time anyone eats a kebab is when they’re drunk, and when people are drunk they aren’t that detail orientated. So it’s tricking us into being healthy... or at the very least teaching us to be unhealthy when we’re sober enough to notice and appreciate it.

Going down...

The gland down under

Bad PR week for formerly supercute Australian marsupials as it was revealed that koalas are currently in the grip of a chlamydia outbreak. Some wild populations are seeing a 100% infection rate. That’s what you get for being wild, I s’pose.

Eye saddo

I mean, of course, you can now buy scented eyeshadow. Flavours range from Sweet Peach via Chocolate God to a limited edition peanut butter and jelly palette.

To be honest, they all sound like they might make people start trying to eat your eyes, which – maybe this is just me – has never been that much of a personal goal.