MY NEEDY FRIEND WINDS ME UP

Dear Coleen

I’m 21 and my best friend and I have known each other since we were eight. We were practically inseparable growing up, even though we had completely different upbringings, but they were equally damaging. We went through all that together and pulled each other through all kinds of hell. We rebelled together and acted out as teenagers.

I’ve always had other friends, whereas she never has. When we were 17, she had a baby and our friendship didn’t change.

However, for about two years now, I can’t bear to be around her. We have different lives – she’s a mum and I’m out with other friends getting drunk and so on.

But as her only friend, she craves my attention constantly. She also knows what sets me off, and she’s not afraid to push those buttons. She constantly brings me down and calls me out on the slightest bit of weight gain. She will terrorise me about it, knowing it’s an insecurity of mine.

I’ve walked away from the friendship numerous times, but she has a way of making me believe that I’m the bad friend and fills me with all kinds of guilt.

I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

This has signs of a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship. She’s putting you down because she wants to keep you where you are – as her only friend. And putting you down is all designed to make you feel insecure.

I realise it’s easier said than done, but you have to be strong and advise her she’s in danger of pushing you away from the friendship altogether. And, let’s be honest, it’s not much of a friendship right now because it’s stressful for you.

If she carries on, walk away and leave it up to her to make the effort to make things right and be a proper friend.

Also, remember, it’s quite natural for friends to outgrow each other as life takes you in different directions.