Woman I met on Tinder is more fun than my wife
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Dear Coleen
I have been married for the past eight years to a wonderful woman and we have a child who is 18 months old.
About two years ago, I met another woman via Tinder and we instantly clicked. We are compatible with each other on so many levels that it makes me feel we were meant for each other.
My wife found out I was cheating but gave me a chance to work on the marriage. We’ve been to counselling to try and resolve our issues, however, I’ve continued to see this other woman.
Unlike with my wife, I can be freely open with this woman and the sex has been mindblowing from the start. Sex between my wife and me is practically non-existent and I feel she’s not a very sexual person. She behaves as if she wants it over and done with and she’ll find any excuse to not engage sexually.
My problem is that I want to stay in the marriage because I want my child to have a stable and steady family, as he deserves it. I want to work on things and be happy, but my ideas on sex and enjoyment of life in general don’t match up with hers, which keeps taking me back to the other woman.
I haven’t mentioned my sexual desires to my wife as I feel she thinks it’s a taboo topic. I have mentioned in the past that I’d like to do it more often.
I’m also anxious every day that she will find out I’m still seeing this lady.
Coleen says
You want to save your marriage, but you’re making so many excuses for your behaviour. You “feel” your wife isn’t very sexual and doesn’t enjoy sex, and you “think” it’s a taboo subject – that’s a lot of guesswork! Have you ever actually tried to have an honest conversation about it, either during counselling or on your own?
Despite attending counselling, you haven’t made a go of your marriage. You might have said the right things, but you haven’t followed through on them. And until you stop seeing this other woman you have absolutely no chance of working on your marriage.
As for your son, yes, of course every child deserves a loving family, but they also deserve to live in a happy environment where there’s honesty, love and respect. You can still provide a loving framework and good parenting if you’re apart – that’s up to you.
You were looking for other women online when your wife was pregnant with your son and you need to confront why. Two years down the line, you’re still cheating.
I’m not sure if you can make your marriage work, but if you genuinely want to make a last-ditch attempt at it, then give the other woman up and go back to therapy.
At least then you can walk away knowing you gave it your best shot.