Daily Mirror

Chasing a new audience, May?

NO LULLS IN THIS STORMY

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A big thanks to Stormy Daniels for brightenin­g our lives with her revelation­s on alleged former lover Donald Trump. In her new kiss-(thru-rising-vomit)and-tell sex book, the porn star says I’ve with him was the “least impressive CV ever had”. And a glance at Stormy’s says that’s a hotly contested field. One of the reasons is that Trump’s like a penis “has a huge mushroom head he toadstool”. Which could explain why is obsessed with having a big d**k which competitio­n with Kim Jong-Un in he threatens to wipe out North Korea under a mushroom-shaped cloud. The best bit was when she said “his that penis is not freakishly small”. A line great could only have cut deeper into the narcissist’s heart If she’d added “unlike the crowd at his inaugurati­on”. I’m not buying Theresa May’s latest PR offensive aimed at making us see her as a normal 60-something woman like your auntie Sharon, who loves nothing better than a good old natter over a vodka and lime down the bingo.

We all know she’s Joyce Grenfell, the vicar’s Jolly Hockey Sticks daughter, who’s done nothing more daring than run through wheat.

So please don’t tell us she’s angry at Tory snobs who look down on council house tenants or show us pictures of her gatecrashi­ng a wedding and watching her favourite TV quiz show, The Chase.

They’re all a big con. Especially the last one. As we saw, yet again, in Austria on Thursday, May’s never a Chase person. She’s Pointless.

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