Girlfriend is getting too cosy with male colleague
Dear Coleen
I’m becoming concerned about my girlfriend’s relationship with a man at work. I trust her and don’t believe she’d cheat on me, but I can’t help thinking this is going beyond friendship.
He always gives her a lift home. If he’s not at work late he’ll come and pick her up, even if she finishes at 2am.
The other night she posted pictures on Snapchat of some local scenery and when I questioned why she was there so late she said that she and this workmate went there after he picked her up because she had “stuff on her mind and needed to talk to someone about it”.
As I said, I trust her and the fact that she told me exactly where she was and what she was doing makes me think nothing physical happened between them, but I was hurt.
Why doesn’t she feel she can talk to me about stuff that’s on her mind? They also regularly talk online and while there’s nothing that suggests an affair – I sometimes read the messages over her shoulder – they always put kisses at the end of their messages and like each other’s photos online.
I don’t want to make a huge issue out of this and I’m glad she’s got a good friend, but I’m worried it’s going to develop into something more.
What do you think I should do?
Coleen says
Well, it could be they’re just good friends, but I understand why you’re worried.
The bottom line is, this friendship is making you feel insecure and worried, and it needs to be addressed. You have to talk to her.
I think some lines have been crossed – for example, this man getting out of his bed at 2am to give your girlfriend a lift home from work.
That’s something a partner would do and if you can’t do it, then she ought to book herself a taxi if she can’t drive herself.
Ask her if she’d be OK with it if a female colleague was doing the same for you. Get her to look at it from where you’re standing.
And explain that you want to be the person she confides in when there’s stuff on her mind.
Why wouldn’t you confide in your partner before talking to your friends?
You’re being very sensible and patient, so carry on in that vein, but make it clear you’re unhappy that she appears to have a closer emotional connection with this colleague than she has with you.
Maybe she genuinely doesn’t feel anything other than friendship for this guy, but perhaps he wants more.