I CAN’T JUST DROP MY SON AND GO OUT

Dear Coleen

I’m a single mum to a gorgeous eight-year-old boy. I split up with his dad when he was only two and he’s been out of the picture since then.

My problem is, my friends still don’t get how hard it is for me without a partner and I have all this resentment brewing inside.

When they’re trying to arrange nights out or weekends away, they just don’t factor in my situation.

I have a full-time job as well and no grandparents nearby to help with childcare, so it’s a struggle.

I want my friends to understand and be more supportive, but I don’t want to point this out to them either. I don’t want to come across like I’m whingeing – but I feel they should be sensitive to my situation.

Coleen says I don’t think you have to come across like you’re whingeing – you can explain it as part of a normal conversation. Just say, “Listen, I’d love to drop everything to go out with you lot, but it’s hard for me in terms of childcare because I’m on my own”. Then follow up by saying you’d love to do more things with them, but you need some notice so you can organise your life.

I get it – I was young when I started a family and most of my friends didn’t have kids.

Then I was a single mum for a couple of years when my first marriage broke down and the logistics of arranging a night out was like trying to move house!

But people aren’t mind readers and we all have busy lives, so you have to ask for support or suggest things that suit you.

If you have resentment brewing, you should address it or it will come out in the wrong way. It could manifest itself as anger, or come flooding out when you have a drink.