Polly Hudson

DAILY MIRROR COLUMNIST

The things that make everybody else hate the English are the exact same things that make the English proud to be English.

The good news is, it’s great that we’re so patriotic and happy and comfortable with who we are... the bad news? This means it’s unlikely anyone’s going to change their opinion of us any time soon. Oh well.

Other nationalities are annoyed by our devotion to tea, and belief – which is basically a scientifically proven definite fact – that there is no problem that cannot be fixed by a cuppa. They’re also irritated by our obsession with the weather, and need to discuss what it is doing/has done/might do, constantly. They also don’t like our need to queue everywhere. Without queues chaos reigns, surely? People from other countries also get a bad impression of us because they see us when we’re on holiday in theirs. They think we get over-excited, are loud, go bright red because we’re so unused to sunshine, and drink far too much, which makes us even louder and more annoying. This is completely unfair of course. Definitely. Ahem.