BROTHER’S BLOWING THEIR CASH

Dear Coleen

My younger brother keeps messing up financially and my parents keep bailing him out. A few months ago, he made a bad business deal and lost a lot of money, to the point where he might have to sell his home – and he has two kids.

It’s an awful situation and I do feel bad for him, but this is a pattern that has occurred throughout his life.

I can’t help feeling resentful. I have two children and don’t earn a lot, but I’ve never asked my parents for money.

I feel terrible saying it, but he’s not only taking money from our parents in their retirement, but he’s blowing our inheritance too.

Is it wrong to feel like this? I want to shake him and scream, “Stop messing up!”

Coleen says

I don’t think it’s wrong to have those feelings and I understand your frustration. You work hard and manage to budget. Your brother, on the other hand, isn’t asking himself if he can afford for these business decisions not to work out.

It seems unfair and in some respects your parents are enabling your brother to make bad choices because if things go pear-shaped he knows the bank of mum and dad will help out.

But it’s also really hard for parents when you see your kids struggling and you know you have the means to help them. It’s your instinct to help.

Why not speak to your brother, but do it without sounding as if you’re lecturing or jealous. Tell him you feel bad for him, but you’re also worried about your mum and dad because any money they give away is eating into their pension.

He also needs to think about the time when they’re not around to bail him out. But stay calm when you’re talking to him or he’ll get defensive. However, the bottom line is, it’s your parents’ money and they can do what they want with it.