See clowns nowa­days – they’re just full of It

Daily Record - - NEWS -

MUL­TI­PLE end­ings will be filmed for the fi­nal episode of Game of Thrones to stop the sto­ry­line leak­ing. Though I’m guess­ing if the last words in one of the scripts are “and they all lived hap­pily ever af­ter”, you can as­sume that’s get­ting chucked in the bin right away. BRI­TAIN’S clowns are claim­ing that the new hor­ror movie It is ru­in­ing their ca­reers. And if you want to know who Bri­tain’s clowns are, just take a swatch at Theresa May’s cabi­net.

Many ac­tual clowns have even thought about end­ing it all by driv­ing over a cliff. Un­for­tu­nately, their mo­tors keep com­i­cally fall­ing apart on the way.

Mind you, they’re not the only clowns around this week. Kim Kar­dashian says re­ports that she’s ex­pect­ing a third child via a sur­ro­gate are su­per in­va­sive. Which I think is the US ver­sion of Su­per Lager.

Kim says the con­cep­tion and growth of a foe­tus in the womb are a pri­vate mat­ter for the fa­ther, the sur­ro­gate, the mother. And the mother’s YouTube chan­nel sub­scribers.

Or what about the guy down south who’s built a gi­ant 20-foot high Star Wars com­bat ve­hi­cle model in the front gar­den of his home.

He was orig­i­nally gonnae build a Death Star, but had a sur­vey done and found a de­sign flaw.

Asked how he con­structed the ve­hi­cle, the man said he used his hands and his imag­i­na­tion. And gave a sim­i­lar an­swer when asked to de­scribe his love life.

Then there’s the lassie in Aus­tralia who sur­prised the brides­maids at her wed­ding by giv­ing them all bou­quets made from dough­nuts. Guests knew there was a prob­lem when the vicar asked for the ring and it had ic­ing sugar and a wee bit of jam in it.

Else­where in Oz, Rebel Wilson has been awarded three mil­lion quid in the coun­try’s largest pay­out for a defama­tion case.

Defama­tion cases in Aus­tralia are quite com­mon in ar­eas where dis­re­spect­ful lies are told. Like when Aussies are ac­cused of out­ra­geous things like be­ing quiet or sober.

Then what about the cir­cus around THE Royal Shake­speare Com­pany claim they’re strug­gling to find ac­tors able to play Mac­beth.

Hang on. He’s a power hun­gry guy with roots in Scot­land who shouts a lot and car­ries a sharp blade. Gor­don Ram­say is cur­rently wait­ing by his phone. the new £10 note? Some of the new notes with low se­rial num­bers are al­ready sell­ing for a much larger amount on eBay.

Don’t worry if you don’t get one, though.

If you want a ten­ner that’s go­ing to be worth a whole lot more pretty soon, just buy a 10 euro note.

But let’s end with the clowns at Ap­ple. They’ve un­veiled their most hi-tech phone yet which has fa­cial recog­ni­tion and a £1000 price tag.

With that price, I’m guess­ing that the only fa­cial recog­ni­tion it works with is the com­plete look of hor­ror when you get the re­ceipt.

Like most of these clowns, they’re to­tally full of It.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.