Gripping... and that’s not a lie
THE dismal standard of stand-up on the BBC. David Mitchell’s dreary, one-note bleating. Absurd over-reaction to Paul Hollywood’s fancy dress outfit – if he’d gone as Freddy Krueger would it mean he sympathised with dream-invading serial killers? Grow up! PAUL Hollywood was talking about cottage loafs on Bake Off when he said: B.Sykes of Sudbury wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top of the page.
PRUE Leith told Kate she needed “the finger treatment” on Bake Off. For all possible punch-lines, see Jimmy Carr.
BACKWARDS-running drama Rellik was yako. Just a bit too ykcimmig.
Why’s Brian Cox’s face aging faster than his hair?
If you get stitchedup by Watchdog who do you complain to?
A Safe House is by definition meant to be discreet, so why does ITV’s one stand out like an eager bridegroom on honeymoon?
TYPICAL. You wait years to see a hot, wine-guzzling woman with mental health issues on TV and another comes along a week later...
Date rape is at the dirty heart of Liar.
Did handsome surgeon Andrew “do a Bill Cosby” (allegedly) and slip poor Laura pills? Or did the peachy teacher get so sloshed she couldn’t remember saying yes?
My gut feeling is that complicated than that.
Laura’s sister Kate convinced her to date the charming widower, a colleague at the hospital. It started well.
A meal on Deal pier and a fun, flirty night. He walked her home like a gent and would’ve called a cab home if his mobile hadn’t conked out.
Laura invited him in and then...their stories differ. She says she asked him to stop. He says she told him to get a condom from her bathroom. Who’s lying?
The next day, he sent her a “thank you” text and Laura called the cops. Andrew was duly collared. But medical tests showed no sign of rape or struggle and she hadn’t been drugged...
He says he took Laura’s clothes off but she woke it’s more Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday,
10 Lower Thames Street, London
EC3R 6EN up wearing them. His wife killed herself. Maybe he’s not as perfect as he looks.
She has a history of medication for unspecified mental problems.
She was knocking back plonk all evening. Her brother-in-law Liam asked Kate if the police know “what happened last time”.
Someone else could’ve been involved. Why her long chat with the cab driver if he isn’t significant? It’s unlikely ITV would wander into such a politicised area without a get-out clause.
Laura needed a boost after breaking up with Tom, her childhood sweetheart. She has no idea he’s knocking off Kate.
Her impulsive social media rant is bound to backfire.
There’s no way Andrew’s son would still be in her English class if he’d been nicked for raping her.
Downton star Joanne Froggatt and Ioan Gruffudd are perfectly cast as the main players.
She has a knack for conveying different emotions simultaneously. He is wholesome respectability personified.
Odds are Liar will keep us gripped. Just don’t tell Mr Bates. IOAN Gruffudd, Liar...Deanna Mussington, right, The X Factor...Jodi Balfour...Black Lake (BBC4)...new Outlander (AmPrime). LEN Goodman’s Partners in Rhyme, left – Len’s cranky, the show’s manky...Static – scrap it...Jordan “Rizzle” Stephens, Celebrity Island – totally shizzle. ARRAN took his sex-bot on This Morning. Samantha can talk philosophy and is apparently programmed with 1,000 jokes (999 more than Josie Long).
His wife admitted they have “threesomes”, and that wasn’t even the creepiest bit. They let their small children play with it! (“Mum, what’s this leaking out of Daddy’s dolly?”...“Well it doesn’t taste like yogurt...”)
SAMANTHA is said to come with “authentic female responses”.
Unlikely. Unless those responses are: “That ceiling needs painting”, “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache”, “Here, do you fancy my sister?” and “Why should I do that? It’s not your birthday.”
BROMANS is TOWIE meets Plebs. Cocky modern lads in a coliseum – a great idea. Now bring on the lions.
■ TROUBLE: Andrew and Laura get cosy on sofa