Bro’s going out with a bang
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THE new and final run of Big Brother makes you feel more shows could benefit from a looming axe.
This is the donkey’s years.
I’m particularly drawn to self-styled “spirit advisor” Anamelia from Brazil via Sweden, who is determined not to have sex on the show.
Maybe gay farmer Cian will help her keep her calves together.
We don’t yet know if he has a small holding but Cian’s come a long way from Tipperary. He turned up in a fake fur coat, describing himself as a “walking carpet”.
Bizarre bookings include gender fluid cleaner Tomasz, who looks like the love child The Penguin and Peter Kay’s Geraldine never had.
And Kay, a 32-year-old artist from London, who said: “I think I am literally a Persian cat.” Yeah? Grow up!
Kay is into “phallic art” – that’s lucky because she won’t ever find a bigger plonker than Lewis G, a bricklayer from Camden whose mum is a former Playboy model.
Lewis once lived in Hefner’s mansion and claims he had his first sexual experience there. Possibly solo. He has 24-7 tattooed on his chest, both his birthday and his motto, best-cast house for though 7-11 might be a more accurate prediction of where he’ll end up working.
Then there’s Cameron, an 18-year-old Conservative “vlogger” from Norfolk, whose teacher once likened to an 80-yearold trapped in a teenager’s body (not in a Yewtree sense).
And Kenaley – “call me Kenny” – a telesales assistant from Notts, who says things like “if you don’t like me, suck my d***” raising fears she might be hiding a big surprise under her latex dress. Zoe from Halifax could be a Matt Lucas character. Others include ex-footballer Isaac, former crook Lewis F, Welsh Akeem, and posh lesbian Brooke. Scot Ellis has been kicked out for old tweets. Why didn’t they check before? My first night favourite was ex-model Sian from Barnsley, left, who turned up in a nuclear dress – everything on the verge of fall-out.
She has two fine attributes – she’s down-toearth and wants to spend any winnings on her mum. Tsk, your minds.
Big Brother started as a bold social experiment and devolved into a televised asylum for talentless wannabes who’d barbecue their own first born for 15 minutes of fame.
But along the way it’s hit more TV gold than Yosemite Sam. Is this really the end? Maybe. But I suspect it’s more likely to be resurrected by ITV or Sky. DONALD Sutherland and Trust, right... Vick Hope, Strictly...The Deuce (SkyAt)... Alastair Cook. CELEBRITY Ghost Hunt, left – no celebs, no ghosts, but plenty of pointless hunts…Seatbelt Psychic – economy drivel... Question Time – even The Repair Shop couldn’t fix this bore-fest.
HOT not on TV: Rose Tattoo live DON’T you love Strictly? It’s like Dancing With The Stars, without the stars. Seann Walsh says he’s not on the show to make people laugh. Of course he isn’t. He never has before. Why start now?