Bro’s go­ing out with a bang

Daily Star Sunday - - FRONT PAGE -

Email me at: garry.bushell@ dai­lystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sun­day,

10 Lower Thames Street, Lon­don

EC3R 6EN

THE new and fi­nal run of Big Brother makes you feel more shows could ben­e­fit from a loom­ing axe.

This is the don­key’s years.

I’m par­tic­u­larly drawn to self-styled “spirit ad­vi­sor” Anamelia from Brazil via Swe­den, who is de­ter­mined not to have sex on the show.

Maybe gay farmer Cian will help her keep her calves to­gether.

We don’t yet know if he has a small hold­ing but Cian’s come a long way from Tip­per­ary. He turned up in a fake fur coat, de­scrib­ing him­self as a “walking car­pet”.

Bizarre book­ings in­clude gen­der fluid cleaner To­masz, who looks like the love child The Pen­guin and Peter Kay’s Geral­dine never had.

And Kay, a 32-year-old artist from Lon­don, who said: “I think I am lit­er­ally a Per­sian cat.” Yeah? Grow up!

Kay is into “phal­lic art” – that’s lucky be­cause she won’t ever find a big­ger plonker than Lewis G, a brick­layer from Cam­den whose mum is a for­mer Play­boy model.

Lewis once lived in Hefner’s man­sion and claims he had his first sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ence there. Pos­si­bly solo. He has 24-7 tat­tooed on his chest, both his birth­day and his motto, best-cast house for though 7-11 might be a more ac­cu­rate pre­dic­tion of where he’ll end up work­ing.

Then there’s Cameron, an 18-year-old Con­ser­va­tive “vlog­ger” from Nor­folk, whose teacher once likened to an 80-yearold trapped in a teenager’s body (not in a Yewtree sense).

And Ke­na­ley – “call me Kenny” – a tele­sales as­sis­tant from Notts, who says things like “if you don’t like me, suck my d***” raising fears she might be hid­ing a big sur­prise un­der her la­tex dress. Zoe from Hal­i­fax could be a Matt Lu­cas char­ac­ter. Oth­ers in­clude ex-foot­baller Isaac, for­mer crook Lewis F, Welsh Akeem, and posh les­bian Brooke. Scot El­lis has been kicked out for old tweets. Why didn’t they check be­fore? My first night favourite was ex-model Sian from Barns­ley, left, who turned up in a nu­clear dress – ev­ery­thing on the verge of fall-out.

She has two fine at­tributes – she’s down-toearth and wants to spend any win­nings on her mum. Tsk, your minds.

Big Brother started as a bold so­cial ex­per­i­ment and de­volved into a tele­vised asy­lum for tal­ent­less wannabes who’d bar­be­cue their own first born for 15 min­utes of fame.

But along the way it’s hit more TV gold than Yosemite Sam. Is this re­ally the end? Maybe. But I sus­pect it’s more likely to be res­ur­rected by ITV or Sky. DON­ALD Suther­land and Trust, right... Vick Hope, Strictly...The Deuce (SkyAt)... Alas­tair Cook. CELEBRITY Ghost Hunt, left – no celebs, no ghosts, but plenty of point­less hunts…Seat­belt Psy­chic – econ­omy drivel... Ques­tion Time – even The Re­pair Shop couldn’t fix this bore-fest.

HOT not on TV: Rose Tat­too live DON’T you love Strictly? It’s like Danc­ing With The Stars, with­out the stars. Seann Walsh says he’s not on the show to make peo­ple laugh. Of course he isn’t. He never has be­fore. Why start now?

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