They were best of Bro
LOVE Island killed off Big Brother, making the format look tired. But at the start it gripped like Jason “Jungle Cat” Cowan in a mud wrestling bout.
Big Bro had romance, rows and remarkable characters, although after series one – a genuine social experiment – producers relied increasingly on freaks and screwballs.
For every lovable housemate – Brian Belo, Jon Tickle, Kate Lawler – there were nightmares you’d cross the Sahara to avoid. Sorry Nikki.
To celebrate its demise, here are my Top 7 best-ever BB bookings:
1) Victor Ebuwa AKA The Plumber (“coz I lay pipe”). 2) Derek Laud
3) Jade Goody 4) Pete “W*nkers!” Bennett 5) Brian 6) Aisleyne
7) Charley Uchea (BB8) – also sexiest irritant.
Biggest nightmares: 1) Nadia 2) Nikki 3) Shahbaz 4) Grace 5) Kinga.
Undisputed Low: Kinga at it with her wine bottle. A genuinely shocking moment. Everyone knows it should be white wine with fish.
Sweetest Romance: Paul and Helen (BB2). Dumbest quote: “Where is East Angular, though? I thought that was abroad” – Jade.
Top Babes: Melanie Hill, Imogen Thomas, Orlaith McAllister – short for “Orla my clothes fell off.”
1) Nasty Nick’s demise (BB1).
2) Fight Night (BB5) 3) Nikki’s Diary Room rants – who is she? (BB7) 4) Sandy’s great escape (BB3) 5) Michelle and Chicken Stu under the table (BB5).
Lost too soon: Sallie
AXL. SHIRLEY Ballas, complementing Graeme Swann on his Halloween dance, told him: D. Anderson of Sunderland wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top.
YOU liked my vintage goofs so much, here are two more. Harry Carpenter commenting on the Boat Race: “Ah, isn’t that nice? The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.” And Julian Wilson discussing jockeys with trainer Josh Gifford: “I suppose the best ride around the place is your daughter?”
THE size of Hayley’s horrible mum on EastEnders! Even if Bev was in the nick she would still technically be at large. How can they be related?
THE Emmerdale edition of The Chase was as much fun as a blind date with Rhona “The Moaner” Goskirk. They’d have put more effort in if ITV had booked Lachlan as guest chaser.