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WHEN my partner left me I fell apart.
My parents had to come in and clean my house and look after my children, while my boss got his sister to temporarily take over my job.
One night my ex-partner’s brother came round and asked me if I had any jobs that needed doing. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed.
We had a fantastic night and he begged to see me again.
Then my ex-partner demanded to borrow £500 as his new lover had left him and his life was in tatters.
I agreed and when he came to pick it up he asked the children if he could come home. Of course, they said: “Yes.”
He’s back here now and we’re making a go of things, only my lover/brother-in-law still wants sex too and won’t leave me alone. I feel trapped.
HOW do I tell my girlfriend that I’ve been to bed with more than 100 women?
We’ve been dating for three months and she’s heard some rumours about my past.
The other night she sat me down and said that she needed to know everything about me if we’re to carry on as a couple.
Naturally, I tried to make light of it and kept joking that I was a virgin. She didn’t buy it…
Then she looked me in the eye and announced that aside from a one-night stand in 2015, I’m the only person she’s ever had regular sex with. Yikes.
Crazy
The problem is that I’ve had more lovers than haircuts. More women have passed through my life than I care to remember and I couldn’t pick out most of them in a line-up.
I’m not making excuses for myself, but I did used to be a very heavy drinker and have been through some crazy times.
She went on to explain that, even though she’s in her midtwenties, she’s always held back from having sex because she was determined to find the right person.
Apparently, I’m him. I’m her perfect man – the fella she’s finally chosen to commit to.
There’s no way that I’m good enough for her. I’m damaged goods. I had no idea that she was so innocent when we got together. As far as I was concerned, she was just another conquest.
Does she deserve to know the truth about my sordid past? Am I doing her a disservice by keeping it from her?
The problem is that I’m a naturally outgoing person with plenty of friends (and enemies) and a very strong personality.
I fear that if I don’t tell the truth about my lovers – and my former drinking – then someone else almost certainly will.
JANE SAYS: You have to take control and break the power your partner’s brother’ has over you. It’s vital you wipe the slate clean and tell him this is the end.
Yes, you and he had some great times. But your partner is back home and you need to make this work.
Sadly, if he threatens you again, then you must get in first and tell your partner everything.
He’s not going to like it, but I can’t imagine you liked him leaving you for another partner either…
Mistakes have been made on all sides, but this is your chance to put your family first and to give your children the parenting and the stability they need. JANE SAYS: It’s never right to start a relationship based on a lie.
Maybe your sexual history isn’t ideal, but there’s nothing you can do about the numbers now. Just because your girlfriend chose to save herself, doesn’t mean that she’s somehow got the upper hand or is superior.
You and her are two totally different people with different urges and codes of conduct.
It’s up to you what you wish to divulge. I don’t think you should lie, but, equally, I don’t think you have to defend yourself either, because your life before her is not her problem.
As far as I’m concerned, what’s more relevant is the life you live from now on. If you’re no longer drinking and have no intention of cheating on her, then surely that should be good enough?
Go to your GP and ask for a full sexual health check, just to make sure that you’re clean.
Then vow only to have safe, loving sex again in the future.
Whether you and your current girl go the distance is up in the air, but you can’t allow this question to become a niggle between you.
Shut it down as soon as possible and get on with enjoying yourselves. Sadly, if she’s not able to get past your ghosts, then she’s clearly not the right person for you to plan your future with.