Show some respect
. . . and get some back. Find out how at Quay Place, Ipswich
DOESN’T it feel great when we’re valued by the people around us? But there’s more to meeting the need to feel respected than just lifting our mood. When we’re on the receiving end of genuine respect, it tells us something important about ourselves and how we fit into the world around us. When we don’t feel respected, it can have a negative effect on our self-esteem. But giving and receiving real respect is about more than everyday pleasantries – so how do we tell the difference?
IDENTIFYING REAL RESPECT
We all pretty much know when the praise we receive doesn’t ring true. OK, it might be nice to be told how wonderful we are, but if it doesn’t match the way we’re treated, the effect soon wears off. Turn things around a moment. Examine your own actions first. If we make a point of acknowledging what people do for us, then that lets them know not only that we really value them, but also that they’re not taken for granted. Make time to tell somebody, “Your help and support really made a difference to me, so thank you.” It’s an important part of nurturing healthy relationships.
TAKE CARE WITH PRAISE
Even children know when feedback received is genuine. Researchers have revealed that what we praise is as important as how we praise things. If children who successfully solve problems in a classroom are told that they’re intelligent, they’ll give up more quickly when a follow-on task is too difficult. Praise them instead for the effort which they put into a task and they’ll keep going, even when faced with demanding tasks which take them outside their usual capability zones. One lesson is that if we show children – and adults - respect for what they do, it encourages them to do more of the same and to keep growing.
A ‘SENSE OF SELF’
Having a healthy ‘sense of self’ enables us to know our own mind; make our own life choices; stand up for ourselves; and to be resilient in the face of adversity. According to psychologists, our sense of self is partly shaped by the respect shown to us by others – good reason enough to be careful about what we respect and how we show respect too.
Quay Place, Ipswich. Photo: Andy Marshall