Show some re­spect

. . . and get some back. Find out how at Quay Place, Ip­swich

EADT Suffolk - - Inside -

DOESN’T it feel great when we’re val­ued by the peo­ple around us? But there’s more to meet­ing the need to feel re­spected than just lift­ing our mood. When we’re on the re­ceiv­ing end of gen­uine re­spect, it tells us some­thing im­por­tant about our­selves and how we fit into the world around us. When we don’t feel re­spected, it can have a neg­a­tive ef­fect on our self-es­teem. But giv­ing and re­ceiv­ing real re­spect is about more than ev­ery­day pleas­antries – so how do we tell the dif­fer­ence?


We all pretty much know when the praise we re­ceive doesn’t ring true. OK, it might be nice to be told how won­der­ful we are, but if it doesn’t match the way we’re treated, the ef­fect soon wears off. Turn things around a mo­ment. Ex­am­ine your own ac­tions first. If we make a point of ac­knowl­edg­ing what peo­ple do for us, then that lets them know not only that we re­ally value them, but also that they’re not taken for granted. Make time to tell some­body, “Your help and sup­port re­ally made a dif­fer­ence to me, so thank you.” It’s an im­por­tant part of nur­tur­ing healthy re­la­tion­ships.


Even children know when feed­back re­ceived is gen­uine. Re­searchers have re­vealed that what we praise is as im­por­tant as how we praise things. If children who suc­cess­fully solve prob­lems in a class­room are told that they’re in­tel­li­gent, they’ll give up more quickly when a fol­low-on task is too dif­fi­cult. Praise them in­stead for the ef­fort which they put into a task and they’ll keep go­ing, even when faced with de­mand­ing tasks which take them out­side their usual ca­pa­bil­ity zones. One les­son is that if we show children – and adults - re­spect for what they do, it en­cour­ages them to do more of the same and to keep grow­ing.


Hav­ing a healthy ‘sense of self’ en­ables us to know our own mind; make our own life choices; stand up for our­selves; and to be re­silient in the face of ad­ver­sity. Ac­cord­ing to psy­chol­o­gists, our sense of self is partly shaped by the re­spect shown to us by oth­ers – good rea­son enough to be care­ful about what we re­spect and how we show re­spect too.

Quay Place, Ip­swich. Photo: Andy Mar­shall

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