WOR­RIED YOU’RE NOT DO­ING IT ENOUGH?

Essentials - - You & Him -

SEXPERTS RE­VEAL A FEW GOOD REA­SONS YOU SHOULDN’T BE…

OTHER PEO­PLE LIE ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES ‘DON’T WORRY THAT YOUR CAR­NAL AC­TIV­ITY ISN’T MEASURING UP TO A COUSIN OR GIRL­FRIEND WHO CLAIMS SHE’S GET­TING IT EV­ERY DAY,’ SAYS RE­LA­TION­SHIP EX­PERT AND AU­THOR IRIS KRASNOW. ‘NO ONE KNOWS WHAT’S GO­ING ON BE­HIND CLOSED DOORS EX­CEPT THE TWO PEO­PLE IN THAT ROOM. THERE IS NO GOLD STAN­DARD NUM­BER TO AS­PIRE TO­WARD AS A NOR­MAL AMOUNT TO GET IT ON.’

YOU’RE HAPPY IN YOUR RE­LA­TION­SHIP COU­PLES DON’T HAVE TO BE HOT AND HEAVY TO BE HAPPY – PAR­TIC­U­LARLY WHEN THEY’VE BEEN TO­GETHER FOR A LONG TIME. ‘IT’S

NAT­U­RAL TO HAVE LESS SEX. IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T LOVE EACH OTHER ANY­MORE,’ SAYS CLIN­I­CAL PSY­CHOL­O­GIST DR CE­CILIA D’FELICE. ‘BE­CAUSE YOU’RE MORE COM­FORT­ABLE AND SE­CURE WITH EACH OTHER, YOU’RE AL­READY BONDED, AND THERE­FORE NEED LESS SEX.’

YOU’VE NOT MISSED YOUR PEAK

WE’VE BEEN TOLD THAT WOMEN HIT THEIR SEX­UAL PEAK AT 35, AND MEN AT 18, SO YOU MAY BE WON­DER­ING WHY YOU’RE NOT GAG­GING FOR A SHAG AT THE MO­MENT. THE TRUTH OF THE MAT­TER IS THAT THE WHOLE CON­CEPT OF A ‘SEX­UAL PEAK’ IS FLAWED AND OUT OF DATE. ‘WE KNOW THAT ORGASMIC ABIL­ITY BE­COMES MORE FRE­QUENT WITH AGE AND RE­LA­TION­SHIP SE­CU­RITY,’ SAYS PSY­CHOL­O­GIST LORI BROTTO.

QUAL­ITY IS BET­TER THAN QUAN­TITY SURE, WE MIGHT HAVE HAD MORE SEX WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER, BUT WAS IT ANY GOOD? AS BROTTO SUG­GESTS, THERE’S A LINK BE­TWEEN ‘ORGASMIC ABIL­ITY’ AND ‘RE­LA­TION­SHIP SE­CU­RITY’. AS WE’VE AGED AND BE­COME MORE SE­CURE IN OUR RE­LA­TION­SHIPS, WE KNOW WHAT WE LIKE AND WE KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR IT, SO THERE’S NO NEED FOR ALL THOSE AT­TEMPTS AT FIND­ING THAT ELU­SIVE ORGASM.

EVERY­BODY’S SEX DRIVE FLUC­TU­ATES 'OUR SEX DRIVE CHANGES WITH THE TIME OF THE MONTH, THE TIME OF THE YEAR, AND IS AF­FECTED BY WHAT’S HAP­PEN­ING IN OUR LIFE,’ SAYS SEX THER­A­PIST JULIET GRAYSON. ‘IT’S NOR­MAL TO HAVE SPA­CES AND GAPS WHEN YOU’RE NOT HAV­ING A LOT OF SEX. THE LONG­EST GAP I’VE COME ACROSS WAS 28 YEARS. AND THAT COU­PLE ARE BACK HAV­ING A SEX LIFE NOW. SO MAYBE THAT WILL GIVE YOU HOPE.’

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