Our arbiter of style on not being in St Barths, Where’s Mossy? and a magic frying pan
DOWN THE ISLE I was once asked to go to St Barths to write a feature. ‘It’s a small island,’ I said suspiciously. ‘So I assume it is only accessible by a very small plane. Forget it.’ They sent someone else. Back then, I thought my whole life would involve invitations to exclusive Caribbean islands and that I could hold out for one with a private butler and a longer runway. Fear stopped me from going. Don’t let fear screw up your 2016, people. Feel it and do it anyway, like the motivational quote says.
At this time of year, people find motivation in all sorts of things. Some find it in the Dalai Lama. Others find it in photographs of Pippa Middleton, Ellen DeGeneres, Olivia Palermo, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kourtney Kardashian, Jon Bon Jovi, Diane von Furstenberg and Karlie Kloss frolicking on the sand in St Barths. Unless you are spurred on to earn riches by the sight of rich people horsing around in luridly patterned swimwear, it might be advisable to stay off social media, at least until monsoon season hits St Barths in…. Oh, it doesn’t. Well, it wouldn’t, would it? If even Lorde, a 19-year-old platinum-selling pop star with the world at her feet, is sufficiently driven to envy to post: ‘You scroll through your feed and all the pretty famous boys and girls are on yachts or in Saint Barth’s [sic] and you’re at home where it’s raining,’ there is scant hope for the rest of us.
Truly, it’s a tough time to be in London juicing kale and wearing an elasticated waist. But is St Barths so great anyway? Here are a few reasons why you’re better off here: 1) The restaurants may be swank but the waiters fold the napkins into origami animals, and that is never cool. 2) Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s burgeoning romance is nauseating enough when viewed through the prism of an iPhone — imagine how grim it looks up close. Imagine the mingling of their matching cornrows as they snog draped over a spray-painted matte black Audi. Eew. 3) St Barts, St Barths or Saint Barthélemy? If you don’t go, you’ll never need to know how to spell the place on a postcard. 4) According to a photo of the set list (posted by Stella McCartney — she was there, too), Prince performed some of his oldest and most well-loved hits during a private party held on Roman Abramovich’s yacht. To those who MOSS AND FOUND When I interviewed Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne last year, we discussed why Kate didn’t have an Instagram account. ‘She shouldn’t,’ said Cara, with the shrewdness that has made her a multimillionaire by the age of 23. ‘It’s just not who she is. There’s a mystery about her.’ We went on to joke about how she made cameos on other people’s accounts, and I quipped that spotting her was a bit like playing Where’s Wally?. ‘Where’s Mossy!’ said Kate, quick as a flash. ‘That’s quite a good one, actually.’
So who’s running the @WheresMossy account that appeared on Instagram shortly after my interview was published? It may not be Kate, but the content, which includes intimate holiday snaps as well as published pics, suggests it’s someone close to her. Whatever: @WheresMossy (‘By the people who REALLY know her’) is the best Kate fanpage on Instagram. IT’S NO YOLK You may think everyone had had their fill of fattening, unhealthy food by now, but apparently not. When Tom Daley posted a pic of his fried breakfast sizzling away on the stove, it swiftly received over 49,000 likes — not because the sausages looked particularly delicious, but because of the utensil he was cooking them in. It appears that not only can we put a man on the Moon, we can also invent a frying pan with different sections that ensure our yolks don’t leak and f*** up the crispiness of our bacon. The cost of this game-changing, Teflon-coated piece of genius? £59.99 from Lakeland. It’s called the Master Pan. And yes, I’m thinking of one (you may not get this joke if you don’t like hip-hop. Which is maybe just as well). ES