Rib- Tick­lers

Jokes, puns and funny sto­ries!

Evergreen - - Summer 2016 -

Where are av­er­age things man­u­fac­tured?

The sat­is­fac­tory.

A farmer counted 97 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 100.

Two men have been fish­ing all day. One has had no luck while the other has caught dozens of fish.

“What’s your se­cret?” asks the un­lucky fish­er­man.

“Mm­m­m­m­m­m­m­m­mmm,” replies the other fish­er­man. “I beg your par­don?” “Mm­m­m­m­m­m­m­m­mmm.” “Sorry, I still don’t un­der­stand.” The lucky fish­er­man spits some­thing into his hand and says: “You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”

Did you hear about the kid­nap­ping at school?

It’s all right, he woke up.

A Scot­tish mother vis­its her son Andrew in his new Lon­don flat and asks him how he is get­ting on with his neigh­bours.

“Mother,” he says, “they’re such noisy peo­ple. One won’t stop bang­ing his head against the wall, while the other shouts and screams all night long.”

“Oh Andrew,” she says, “how do you man­age to put up with them?”

“I don’t know?” he replies. “All I do is lie qui­etly in bed, play­ing my bag­pipes.”

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.