Jokes, puns and funny stories!
Where are average things manufactured?
A farmer counted 97 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 100.
Two men have been fishing all day. One has had no luck while the other has caught dozens of fish.
“What’s your secret?” asks the unlucky fisherman.
“Mmmmmmmmmmmm,” replies the other fisherman. “I beg your pardon?” “Mmmmmmmmmmmm.” “Sorry, I still don’t understand.” The lucky fisherman spits something into his hand and says: “You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s all right, he woke up.
A Scottish mother visits her son Andrew in his new London flat and asks him how he is getting on with his neighbours.
“Mother,” he says, “they’re such noisy people. One won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other shouts and screams all night long.”
“Oh Andrew,” she says, “how do you manage to put up with them?”
“I don’t know?” he replies. “All I do is lie quietly in bed, playing my bagpipes.”
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.