Your essential F1 briefing #No 22 Secrecy
Pssst… I am not! Keep it down. We’re talking about secrets. Secrets? Sounds like the name of a provincial nightclub. Or that garden centre with the café that charges the thick end of six quid for coffee and a slice of cake. Enough of your bourgeois Home Counties preoccupations – this could be a matter of life and death… I bet it isn’t. You’re right. It’s not. Well I’m glad we got that settled. So, what news? From now on, teams’ tyre choices for each grand prix will remain a secret until two weeks before each race. Ye gods! Is this that new batch of tyre regulations? The one where I read two paragraphs and then had to lie down in a darkened room for an hour? The very same. Pirelli are introducing a fifth dry-weather compound, the ‘ultra-soft’, and they will select three of them for each weekend rather than the current two. The teams then nominate which two of the three they intend to use – not necessarily making the same choice for both drivers – and communicate that choice to the FIA, who tell Pirelli, so they know how many tyres to produce. I can see your mouth moving, but all I can hear is: “Blah blah blah blah blah.” And if a team misses their deadline, the FIA will choose for them. I’m past caring. Can’t we play a game with simpler rules? Agricola? Stratego? Nude charades? If anything I’d say this was more like rock, paper, scissors. Don’t you mean scissors, paper, stone? You say tomato, I say tomato… Let’s call the whole thing off!
Name Secrecy Age Shhh! Appearance It wears its nature like a veritable cloak of invisibility Do say Get a grip Don’t say Don’t you think they’re getting Le Carré’d away with all this?