Based in Ro­vaniemi, home­town of leg­endary gift-be­stower Father Christ­mas, th­ese third-tier La­p­lan­ders ob­vi­ously play in red – and their em­blem looks ex­actly like some­thing you’d see on the wall of a bleak shop­ping-cen­tre grotto, with the elf-en­slav­ing fes­tive over­lord scru­ti­n­is­ing a te­dious list of re­quests for Nerf guns, Min­ion fig­urines and Lego.


Batis­tuta, Wal­ter Sa­muel and Mauri­cio Po­chet­tino? Who cares –”it says NOB on their shirt!


There’s so much to love here. The S.league side are known as The Bulls, so nat­u­rally their logo fea­tures a huge crit­ter in full kit and a shiny red dunce’s hat. He’s ei­ther keep­ing goal or per­form­ing some sort of happy-hands jig, and un­like most over-stern badge-based bul­locks, he’s grin­ning ear to ear. Here­ford, take note.


of con­ve­nient leg-like roots for kick­ing, a su­perb pres­ence in ei­ther box and a bushy ’do to be­lit­tle Marouane Fel­laini, he seems ex­actly the oak to solve San Marino’s is­sues up­front.


on the goal­mouth – the sort of in­com­pe­tence that would make renowned tac­tics scribe Jonathan Wil­son in­vert his own pyra­mid in hor­ror. No won­der this at­tack-happy mob won just two of 27 Bangladesh Premier League games in 2013-14.


Un­doubt­edly the most fab­u­lously camp im­age in world foot­ball, FC Show’s crest fea­tures a dandy-slash­waiter-slash-foot­baller in a pink waistcoat un­veil­ing a sil­ver plat­ter of de­li­cious soc­cer. Fo­cused on ‘unity, re­spect and di­ver­sity’, this out­fit – the team, not the waistcoat, which sadly is not part of the of­fi­cial club kit – play in the sev­enth tier and also have com­pet­i­tive cheer­lead­ing and rugby teams. Why not, eh?

his­tory and ethos in one sim­ple It’s not easy to por­tray your club’s

two Eski­mos scrap­ping over a seal crest, but you could al­ways sketch


Finns aren’t known for fri­vol­ity, so a fourth-tier team called ‘Sexy Pants’ is a sur­prise. The Laak­so­lahti side were forced to shorten their name to Poxyt by fun-hat­ing ad­min­is­tra­tors in 2011, but their badge still fea­tures a pair of shape­less grey slacks be­ing worn by a mas­sive car­toon ball. Sexy foot­ball? Not so much.


fish­ing hotspot Disko Bay – have a glo­ri­ous em­blem that de­picts two boys in cagoules and Ugg boots fight­ing over pos­ses­sion of a seal. Well, you’ve got to have a hobby.

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