It’s the bright-haired loud­mouth vs the bright-haired loud­mouth. Al­though our money is on Kathy, not Don­ald…

Com­edy leg­end Kathy Grif­fin is tak­ing things into her own hands. Well, that’s what got her into this whole mess in the first place. But af­ter a some­what tur­bu­lent start to 2017, she’s tak­ing on Trump and the whole world in her brand new tour...

Gay Times Magazine - - Contents - WORDS si­mon but­ton

Do­ing a fierce about-face on an apol­ogy she shouldn’t have had to make in the first place, Kathy Grif­fin screams: “It’s on, moth­er­fuck­ers! It’s on!” It’s a bat­tle cry against those who reckon Kathy should just do one af­ter she posed for photos hold­ing an ef­figy of Don­ald Trump’s sev­ered, blood­drenched head and posted a video of the shoot on Twit­ter and In­sta­gram.

But the mo­tor­mouthed red­head tells Gay Times she won’t be si­lenced. In fact, she’s turn­ing the whole effed-up thing into the meat and bones of her first-ever world tour, the bril­liantly ti­tled Laugh Your Head Off, vow­ing to tell all about the photo and the fall­out from it.

Apol­ogy aside, which we’ll get to shortly, Kathy was baf­fled by the re­ac­tion to what was clearly a scabrous com­edy skit, not a cal­cu­lated act of trea­son. There’s gen­uine in­credulity in her voice when she says: “There were many Amer­i­cans who gen­uinely thought I’d joined ISIS. Me! My poor drunk mother calls me once a month and asks, ‘Are you out of ISIS yet?’ I’m like, ‘Ma, I don’t think ISIS is re­cruit­ing me, I’m not their type.’”

Down the phone from the US, where we can’t see her but we’re pretty sure she must be tear­ing at that fa­mous fiery mane, she sighs. “That’s how crazy ev­ery­thing has got­ten. We’ve been nuts here for a while but we’ve never been this nuts. The idea that Trump would come af­ter me, the most fear­less wo­man who is be­holden to no-one... I mean, Johnny Depp makes that threat, right, and they fuck­ing clean it up for him in two fuck­ing sec­onds. He’s a hot mess and he was mak­ing jokes about as­sas­si­nat­ing a pres­i­dent. I don’t know him but I don’t think he’s re­ally go­ing to kill a pres­i­dent, but they didn’t even ques­tion him.”

To the 56-year-old come­di­enne it’s a case of bla­tant sex­ism and ageism. “How dare I have the au­dac­ity to still be work­ing at this age?” she yelps. No stranger to con­tro­versy and in­deed a close friend of it ever since she be­gan per­form­ing on the LA im­prov cir­cuit in the early 80s, the wo­man who has been banned from chat shows for her out­ra­geous com­ments adds: “They’re like, ‘Be silent, bitch!’ That’s some­thing I’ve heard for so many fuck­ing decades.”

Even though she lost en­dorse­ment deals and TV jobs and venues pulled the plug on US tour dates, Kathy has no re­grets. “I should have done it more!” she yells. “I should have been harder on him. My God, it was just a mask with ketchup. News agen­cies were say­ing that I held up Don­ald Trump’s sev­ered head. I was like, ‘Re­ally? I think he’d be dead if I was do­ing that.’ Come on! I don’t think they’d have let me leave the White House with a fuck­ing hu­man head.”

She recorded an apolo­getic video, say­ing she’d gone too far. “But then I re­alised peo­ple were just us­ing my apol­ogy against me. The Trumps upped their cam­paign even more and my tour was can­celled, which you know came from the Pres­i­dent di­rectly. On stage I will tell you all the de­tails of my in­ves­ti­ga­tion and then he’ll prob­a­bly start tweet­ing about it and they’ll all come af­ter me again, but I don’t give a fuck any­more.”

She’s on a roll now, say­ing she was un­der a two-month in­ves­ti­ga­tion for con­spir­acy to as­sas­si­nate the Pres­i­dent of the United States. “Then he started a cam­paign to, in John Jr’s words, dec­i­mate me. But this is not a fam­ily we should be lis­ten­ing to in any way, shape or form. The idea we have this ac­ci­den­tal pres­i­dent – and that’s what I call him be­cause it’s an ac­ci­dent; Hil­lary was sup­posed to win but didn’t – and now we find out he’s a Nazi. Here’s the deal: We have a Nazi in the White House, he’s com­ing for me, and I don’t give a fuck any­more. In the show I’m go­ing to talk all about the fed­eral in­ves­ti­ga­tion, who was naughty, who was nice, the cam­paign that’s been mounted against me by the Trump De­plorables.”

Kathy claims the De­plorables, thusly named by Hil­lary Clin­ton, have made death threats against her 97-year-old mother in her re­tire­ment vil­lage and also against her sis­ter, who is go­ing through che­mother­apy. “At a cer­tain point it got so crazy it started be­ing funny, like the idea that Don­ald Trump Jr is go­ing on news net­works mul­ti­ple times a day and say­ing things like, ‘I think our fam­ily was too mea­sured against Kathy Grif­fin.’”

Her tour, which takes in Australia and New Zealand be­fore hit­ting Europe, won’t just be about the photo and its af­ter­math. There’ll be riffs on other stuff too, like hav­ing Kim and Kayne for neigh­bours. She laughs about see­ing Kim up a tree, naked, at night, tak­ing a selfie with con­struc­tion boots on. “I texted her and said, ‘Put some clothes on and get out of that tree.’ She just texted back with emo­jis be­cause they’re not so into talk­ing, the Kar­dashi­ans.”

They’ll also be re­gional vari­a­tions, like a riff on the fact Trump didn’t know what Brexit was. Kathy does and she’s a staunch Re­mainer. “I don’t know if that will lose me ticket sales, I’m just say­ing,” she de­clares, very much a wo­man who couldn’t keep sch­tum if she wanted to.

She’s psyched about playing the Lon­don Pal­la­dium, where her idol Joan Rivers performed. And she’s gen­uinely shocked that, her Brexit views aside, the tick­ets have sold so well. “And I’m not be­ing an ass­hole when I say that but I felt like ‘ev­ery­body’s aban­doned me’.”

Kathy found her­self with no pub­li­cist and no agent, with her boyfriend now also her tour man­ager. “So I’m back to bare bones, I’m back to my roots, and there’s noth­ing like a mouth and a mi­cro­phone. I’m fully cen­sored here in the US so to be able put an in­ter­na­tional tour to­gether and for it to sell so well is thrilling.”

We gays, of course, will be there in droves. “I’m in­sist­ing on it. I have a gay quota and I ex­pect it to be met. I think Grindr should write me a cheque at the end of the tour be­cause I’m bound to have boosted their busi­ness. My shows are like a gay mixer. I’ve heard the line for the men’s room is very long and the line for the women’s room is very short. What are you gays do­ing in there? Just wrap it up and come hear the rest of my jokes for Chris­sakes. You can give each other hand jobs af­ter the show.”

Kathy’s em­brace of the gay com­mu­nity isn’t just lip ser­vice. She’s al­ways stood up for LGBT+ rights and her gay fan­base is some­thing she’s thought about a lot, trac­ing her affin­ity with us back to when she was a six-year-old school kid stand­ing up for other kids who were get­ting picked on for be­ing shy or dif­fer­ent. “I’ve al­ways got­ten along with dis­en­fran­chised folks. The rea­son the com­mu­nity and I have al­ways been to­gether is be­cause it’s a nat­u­ral re­la­tion­ship. For as

“Here’s the deal: We have a Nazi in the White House, he’s com­ing for me, and I don’t give a fuck any­more.”

long as I can re­mem­ber my friends have been gay. In high school I was the girl who never got asked to the dances, then when it was the dance where the girls got to ask the guys that’s the only one I went to. And guess what, two years ago I of­fi­ci­ated his gay marriage! I’m a gay-maker. I don’t know which came first, the chicken or the egg, if he was born gay or I made him gay. It’s open to de­bate.”

As for her gay mates now, she says: “I can’t even tell you the things we say be­hind closed doors. It’s so vi­cious, but it’s an act of love. We call it ‘throw­ing each other un­der the bus’. We’ll say vi­cious things about each other for no rea­son, just mak­ing stuff up or tak­ing one lit­tle thing and ex­ag­ger­at­ing it. One of the gays will clutch his in­vis­i­ble pearls and all of a sud­den you’ll hear a gasp. When I’ve got­ten the gay gasp I’ll know I’ve suc­ceeded.”

Hav­ing done a chat show on Bravo a few years back, her dream guest should she get an­other stab at the for­mat (maybe in the UK like Joan Rivers did for a while) would be Meryl Streep be­cause she’s a big fan and Demi Lo­vato for com­bat­ive rea­sons be­cause of their on-go­ing Twit­ter feud. And if she could interview her­self what would be her lead-in ques­tion? “I’d ask, ‘How could you sur­vive with a mother who has given you such bad ad­vice?’ I love her but her ad­vice is al­ways horrible. And she took Trump’s side over the pic­ture. She threw me un­der the fuck­ing bus.”

As for Trump him­self, she screeches: “He’s un­der­es­ti­mated me. I will do fuck­ing any­thing for a laugh. I will al­ways go the ex­tra mile.”

She’s not, it’s bla­tantly ob­vi­ous, a Trump fan. She calls him Pres­i­dent Or­ange Face Cheeto Fat Fuck and states: “He needs to be taken down. He’s tried to take me down, but that’s never worked. This old bitch will still be stand­ing with the cock­roaches af­ter the apoca­lypse.”

The apoca­lypse might not be too far away, but at least we can have a laugh with Kathy be­fore then.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.