The Twin Boyfriends

Gay Times Magazine - - Finally - WORDS the guy­liner IM­AGE ian ni­chol­son

Incest?! A new low!

Nooooo! OK, while we haven’t got a DNA test handy, we’re pretty sure these two aren’t ac­tu­ally re­lated – al­though they cer­tainly be­long to the same tribe.

Why would you want to date some­one who looks ex­actly like you?

Well, you know when you’re younger and prac­tise kiss­ing on your hand? Or you some­times crack one out while glar­ing sweatily into a mir­ror? Well that’s all some peo­ple want.

Well at least their per­son­al­i­ties will be dif­fer­ent, right?

Um. Well. Yes! Ab­so­lutely! One of them, for ex­am­ple, doesn’t even like pro­tein shakes! Vive la dif­férence! (No. They’ll be the same.)

What they do?

Swap clothes, take the rap for one an­other’s park­ing of­fences, des­per­ately worry the other is thin­ner/ more pop­u­lar/bet­ter hung.

Who are their friends?

They tend to hang out in packs made up of other twin­sets. Pop into some bars on a Satur­day night and it’s like ev­ery­one is made from a mould of Ricky Martin – which has got slightly more mis­shapen with ev­ery it­er­a­tion. They’re like mag­pies: look for one set and you’ll soon see an­other!

Who are their en­e­mies?

Well – I’m as­sum­ing, once they’ve found some­one will­ing to read this out to them – me. Any­one who ques­tions their aes­thetic.

Past boyfriends who found a hot­ter dop­pel­gänger.

Will, er, they make good boyfriends?

They could be look­ing for a triplet to form a throu­ple, so go for it! But don’t even think about get­ting a hair­cut or drop­ping a jeans size with­out per­mis­sion.

Am I a twin boyfriend?

Think you need to clean that mir­ror, honey.

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