Mikey Walsh



It’s about that time of year when we’ve prob­a­bly given up on our res­o­lu­tions and got­ten back to smoking 40 fags and sink­ing four gin and ton­ics a day. And you know what? So bas­tard what. I’ve hon­estly and com­pletely lost touch with why it is that we de­prive our­selves of the stuff that makes us feel good, just to keep up with so­ci­ety and the de­mands on what we’re sup­posed to be do­ing to be hap­pier and more func­tional peo­ple.

I’d like to state right here, just for any­one that lives by af­fir­ma­tions to help them get through the days, that there’s no such thing as a fully func­tional and com­pletely happy per­son.

But there’ll al­ways be those that tell you oth­er­wise. Who say things like ‘First love your­self and you will be loved.’ Or, ‘Treat oth­ers as you want to be treated and it’ll be re­cip­ro­cated.’

‘Think pos­i­tively and all your dreams come true…’

It’s all a lovely and en­tic­ing the­ory, yes, but it’s also a the­ory and way of liv­ing that we’re all doomed to fail at it.

Bot­tom line. There is NOTH­ING wrong with be­ing a lit­tle bit of a screw up. In fact, your in­se­cu­ri­ties, habits and lit­tle idio­syn­cra­sies are the things that are unique to you, and what sep­a­rates you from every­body else. They make you damn beau­ti­ful – and you need to re­mem­ber that.

There’ll al­ways be peo­ple out there that try and make you feel in­ad­e­quate; some to the point where you start to be­lieve that it’s their lot in life to do so. And no mat­ter how nice you are, and how much you strive to be liked, there’ll al­ways be that one per­son out there that’ll give you a hard time and bad press, no mat­ter what you do. But that’s not be­cause of you. That’s be­cause some peo­ple, to put it bluntly, are just cunts.

They’re not worth your time, life force, anger, or ef­fort. And 99% of the time, they’ll only be act­ing this way to throw you, be­cause of the way you make them feel in­ad­e­quate them­selves.

So this year so far hasn’t turned out quite the way you planned…

Don’t worry about it. Who cares if bug­ger­lugs from Clapham has al­ready got pecs, thighs, a new fella and a new job in PR all in two months?

If he’d got hit by a brick and was now walk­ing around think­ing he was Glo­ria Gaynor, it’d still make ab­so­lutely no rip­ples in your life…

My point is, if you live your life com­par­ing your­self to oth­ers, then you’re doomed to fail. Only the most psy­chotic of peo­ple would ever take to Twit­ter to an­nounce that they hate them­selves, their hus­band won’t touch them any­more and their job is bol­locks. No one ever wants to be pub­licly seen that way, and so liv­ing your day-to-day rou­tine in com­par­i­son to some­one’s on­line per­sona is point­less.

If I had no self-con­trol my Twit­ter feed would be MEN­TAL, be­lieve me. But I re­strain my­self and tweet my despair cryp­ti­cally, if at all.

If you need to make changes in your life, do it be­cause you want to and need to, not just be­cause you’re jeal­ous of what some­one else ap­pears to have. And you don’t have to wait un­til the next New Year to prom­ise your­self you will. Just write it down, so you can phys­i­cally see what it is you want to achieve and need to change, and pri­ori­tise what it is that you need to do to im­prove your sit­u­a­tion.

There is no race to be had. Some­times, just recog­nis­ing the things you’re find­ing a strug­gle can re­ally help you start to men­tally change your way of think­ing, and look­ing at things log­i­cally. And one thing at a time! No mat­ter how long it takes, the im­por­tant thing is that you’re do­ing some­thing about it and not just seething over some bug­ger that holds ab­so­lutely no place in your life apart from an on­line pro­file. Re­mem­ber, the only fate from be­ing jeal­ous of oth­ers is that it’ll even­tu­ally eat you alive. And it’ll start to show in you… and bit­ter­ness is one ugly bitch.

There’ll al­ways be that one per­son out there that’ll give you a hard time, no mat­ter what you do. But that’s not be­cause of you. That’s be­cause some peo­ple are just cunts

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