Step­ping out of the closet and into the shower with Tom of Fin­land. He’s been hung (yes) in art gal­leries the world over, you’ve worn the t-shirts, last year you may even have licked the back of his stamp (unf), few il­lus­tra­tors have a more im­pres­sive pedi­gree than Fin­nish artist Touko Laa­so­nen. His four decade ca­reer boasted an ex­cess of 3,500 ex­cep­tion­ally erotic images, which take their aes­thetic cues from the now iconic hy­per-mas­cu­line archetypes of sailors, bik­ers, con­struc­tion work­ers and cop­pers.

Ten years ago, the Tom of Fin­land Cloth­ing Company com­bined two of our favourite things: ho­mo­eroti­cism and fash­ion, ren­der­ing Laa­so­nen’s hot mess of mon­ster-donged mus­cle man mythol­ogy over t-shirts and vests. The col­lec­tion – still avail­able now – paid homage to the artist’s mono­chrome pal­let, photo re­al­is­tic shad­ing, tidy lines and al­lur­ing sil­hou­ettes.

Laak­so­nen pre­ferred to draw on work­ing class ref­er­ences, de­pict­ing en­coun­ters be­tween strangers clad in leather, jeans and of­ten noth­ing at all. His sleek re­design over time be­came uni­form in con­trast to the ef­fem­i­nate stereo­types of gay men in the main­stream me­dia.

No longer just cov­er­ing pa­per­backs or beef­cake mag­a­zines in porno shops, now you can bring Laak­so­nen’s pseu­do­nym, Tom and his en­tourage of thick bulging, erm, mous­taches home with you. You can even take him into the shower to help you dry off.

Fin­nish her­itage tex­tile company Fin­layson have ex­panded their op­er­a­tion into the UK with the launch of an ex­clu­sive Tom of Fin­land Col­lec­tion, cen­tred around two clas­sic TOF de­signs ti­tled Fel­lows and Face to Face. We’re talk­ing a master class in lum­ber­jack fan­tasies here. Splat­tered across satin pil­low cases and du­vet cov­ers – take Tom to bed! – bath tow­els – bring Tom into the shower! – and tote bags – take Tom to the butch­ers! He likes meat.

“And you, you lit­tle shit...” Get ready to open that Xenomorph pet shop! We’re think­ing it should be called Lucky Star… Thirty-six years on and we FI­NALLY get the Aliens ac­tion fig­ure we’ve been wait­ing for – Jonesy the cat! Well maybe a slight ex­ag­ger­a­tion. Ri­p­ley’s in there too, some­where. In ev­ery gen­er­a­tion there is a soft toy. It’s like a Slayer’s com­fort blan­ket, but sharper. Not much mind. You can prac­tice mak­ing vam­pires go POOF with the most prized pos­ses­sion of ev­ery­one’s favourite cho­sen one… Y’know, after Faith. This is ge­nius. Next stop NERF Slayer scythe. Lis­ten sis­ter, if I want your opin­ion, I’ll beat it out of you. Does your heart be­long to Elvira, the Mis­tress of the Dark? The cor­rect an­swer is yes. Shed­ding her lit­tle black dress for some­thing like a more gothed up Jessica Rab­bit, 14” tall and £250? Rea­son­able right? The cor­rect an­swer is also yes.

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