Abusers don’t re­alise the dam­age they cause can stay with the vic­tims for a life­time

GT (UK) - - REAL LIFE -

un­der 35, too. Some­times we come out later and don’t know how to be gay, and the per­son we de­pend on is our part­ner.”

Abusers of­ten ma­nip­u­late vic­tims so they feel they’re to blame for the abuse. Bark­ing and Da­gen­ham Pri­mary Care Trust’s Do­mes­tic Vi­o­lence pa­per ex­plains: “Some­times same-sex abusers will try to tell their part­ners that ‘this is how it is in a gay re­la­tion­ship. They of­ten prom­ise to change their be­hav­iour and the hope for that pos­i­tive change can keep a vic­tim from iden­ti­fy­ing the pat­tern of abuse in the re­la­tion­ship.”

But it’s not just vic­tims of abuse who can find help. For eight en­cour­aged his boyfriend to.

“The poor man’s head was pour­ing with blood and he needed 27 stitches,” re­calls Danny. “The po­lice were called and my boyfriend was ar­rested. In court, he pleaded guilty to wound­ing with in­tent and was sent to pri­son for ten months. I haven’t seen him since that night.

“I re­gret not leav­ing the re­la­tion­ship as soon as the vi­o­lence started – but I was more re­gret­ful that that poor guy had to suf­fer be­cause I was too naïve to have left my boyfriend or called the po­lice the first time. Abusers don’t re­alise the dam­age they cause can stay with the vic­tims for a life­time.”

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