Sex with Josh Sabarra

His­tor­i­cally, out­side of adult films, bondage as a brand of sex­ual kink was less than con­ver­sa­tional. But now the main­stream has started to em­brace role play and rougher sex...

GT (UK) - - CONTENTS - Josh Sabarra @joshsabarra

Many peo­ple as­so­ciate the term “bondage” with vi­o­lence, dom­i­na­tion and sado­masochism; in fact, “BDSM” is an acro­nym that is fre­quently used to blan­ket any re­lated ac­tiv­i­ties. It’s im­por­tant to note, though, that re­strain­ing a part­ner – for your plea­sure or his – does not nec­es­sar­ily go part-and-par­cel with pain and hu­mil­i­a­tion. Those in­ter­ested in ty­ing up their lovers are of­ten aroused by feel­ing dom­i­nant and in con­trol, whereas the part­ner who’s bound typ­i­cally en­joys the help­less­ness and vul­ner­a­bil­ity as­so­ci­ated with his “weaker” po­si­tion.

starter tips for tit­il­lat­ing “tightrope” fun:

01. Be­gin sim­ply. Be­fore head­ing to the hard­ware store to buy some heavy-duty rope and big-boy with less in­tim­i­dat­ing items. A sleep mask can dou­ble as a blind­fold, and bracelets made of cot­ton ma­te­rial can help get you or your part­ner used to the feel­ing of be­ing re­strained. Scarves, neck­ties and belts are other wardrobe ac­ces­sories that can also stand-in for zip-ties and duct tape. Be­gin­ning the ad­ven­ture with com­mon, house­hold prod­ucts is a great way to ease into the sce­nario while also be­ing kind to your wal­let.

02. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is key. dip­ping your toe in the wa­ter, make sure you talk to you part­ner dur­ing the ac­tiv­ity. Let him know what you’d like to do to him (or vice versa) be­fore you move for­ward. Telling your lover what ex­actly about the sit­u­a­tion is turn­ing you on is also an ex­cel­lent way to get or­gas­mic re­sults. In ad­di­tion, keep­ing an open di­a­logue can elim­i­nate the fear as­so­ci­ated with try­ing some­thing new.

03. Have a safe word. Be­fore the bed­room heats up, make sure that you and your play­mate have a se­cu­rity in know­ing that you have an es­cape plan if the proceedings get par­tic­u­larly in­tense. So, choose some­thing that would not or­di­nar­ily be as­so­ci­ated with any sort of sex­ual act or role-play. Rather than “stop” or “ouch,” en­sure that your exit pass­code is per­haps the name of a colour or a favourite pet.

04. Establish trust. Few peo­ple would al­low you to re­strain any of their body parts with­out com­plete trust. Bondage Boule­vard, be cer­tain that both of you feel safe with each other. Don’t play jokes or leave one party unat­tended dur­ing your ses­sion. It’s im­por­tant that you al­low your­self to be present and sen­si­tive to the de­sires of your part­ner so that he’s com­fort­able re­lin­quish­ing or tak­ing con­trol.

05. Don’t rush. Part of the fun and drama of en­gag­ing in bondage ac­tiv­ity is the “tease.” If you race through your to-do list, you and your lover are less likely play scene you’ve cre­ated. Al­low your­selves the time to stim­u­late and en­joy var­i­ous ar­eas of the body one at a time, rel­ish­ing ev­ery sen­sa­tion. If your level of arousal be­comes “hard” to man­age, take a quick break. A cool­ing down pe­riod can give you a rest be­fore you con­tinue to ex­plore. The “stop-and-start” game can ac­tu­ally add to the ex­cite­ment if you have a good sense of tim­ing.

06. Know the health and safety lim­i­ta­tions. Light pres­sure is rarely an is­sue, but any­thing that hugely im­pacts the blood sup­ply to a par­tic­u­lar re­gion can re­sult in bruises, swelling and numb­ness. Also, be care­ful not to con­strict the neck area or place too much weight around the torso; you don’t want to trau­ma­tise any in­ter­nal or­gans that are housed in that spot. It’s also wise to be mind­ful of your part­ner’s cir­cu­la­tion. Com­pul­sive yawn­ing, dizzi­ness, nau­sea or a sweat break-out could be in­dica­tive of a drop in blood pres­sure and an ab­nor­mal in­crease in heart rate – both of which may re­quire pro­fes­sional med­i­cal at­ten­tion.

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