21st Century Boys
Leave my old man out of this. I’m not talking about the dude who knocked up mum and optimistically kicked a football at you three times a week. This is a between-the-sheets paternal
What does a Daddy do? This is the magical thing, he doesn’t actually do that much beyond – and this is the impressive part – get older.
What? So he just ages… Yep, all a Daddy really has to do to become for the sweet heartbreak that is the passage of time and before you can say “your cultural references are woefully out of date”, he’ll have younger guys climbing all over him like he’s a bouncy castle. him? Why, he’s on your dating apps with the carefully chosen pic that he hopes hides his chins. Either that sliding right into those messages like a professional rollerblader.
How will I recognise him? Silver fox. Enough birthday candles to blank out the stars. Buys booze you’ve never heard of and couldn’t ever afford! Daddy!
Who are his mates? Young guys who don’t mind when he patronisingly explains Madonna’s legacy to them. Other older guys fetishised equally depressing.
Would he make a good boyfriend? Well, he’s probably got more money than you and if you don’t mind being shushed in the cinema and being subjected to his real-ale farts, then he might be.
Most likely to say: “You had to be there.”
Least likely to say: “Loved your last Snapchat.”
Am I a Daddy? Do you remember the original Doctor Who? Are you sitting and watching the young ones throw shapes while you wince in sciatic agony? You sure are, papa bear.