21st Cen­tury Boys

GT (UK) - - CONTENTS - WORDS the guy­liner

Leave my old man out of this. I’m not talk­ing about the dude who knocked up mum and op­ti­misti­cally kicked a foot­ball at you three times a week. This is a be­tween-the-sheets pa­ter­nal

What does a Daddy do? This is the mag­i­cal thing, he doesn’t ac­tu­ally do that much be­yond – and this is the im­pres­sive part – get older.

What? So he just ages… Yep, all a Daddy re­ally has to do to be­come for the sweet heart­break that is the pas­sage of time and be­fore you can say “your cul­tural ref­er­ences are woe­fully out of date”, he’ll have younger guys climb­ing all over him like he’s a bouncy cas­tle. him? Why, he’s on your dat­ing apps with the care­fully cho­sen pic that he hopes hides his chins. Ei­ther that slid­ing right into those mes­sages like a pro­fes­sional rollerblader.

How will I recog­nise him? Sil­ver fox. Enough birthday can­dles to blank out the stars. Buys booze you’ve never heard of and couldn’t ever af­ford! Daddy!

Who are his mates? Young guys who don’t mind when he pa­tro­n­is­ingly ex­plains Madonna’s legacy to them. Other older guys fetishised equally de­press­ing.

Would he make a good boyfriend? Well, he’s prob­a­bly got more money than you and if you don’t mind be­ing shushed in the cinema and be­ing sub­jected to his real-ale farts, then he might be.

Most likely to say: “You had to be there.”

Least likely to say: “Loved your last Snapchat.”

Am I a Daddy? Do you re­mem­ber the orig­i­nal Doc­tor Who? Are you sit­ting and watch­ing the young ones throw shapes while you wince in sci­atic agony? You sure are, papa bear.

IM­AGE ian ni­chol­son

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