With social media and hookup apps, gay dating has changed for ever. But are we giving ourselves too hard a time on the hunt?
01. Having sex makes you a slut.
Says who? What’s a slut anyway? As long as you’re being safe and not messing with anyone’s feelings, just go for it. Sometimes, on a date, you feel that connection and want to explore further. Why impose some outdated, meaningless time limit on when that can happen? You’re only doing yourself out of a shag.
02. Gay men always expect date.
If only. No, seriously, gay men are more virtuous than you’d think. If you’re not into doing it straightaway, good guys will understand. They might think it romantic.
03. I can’t get a man because hookup apps.
Are you sure that’s the reason why? Honestly. Even Geri Halliwell got some selfawareness eventually.
04. All I want to do is “meet the one”.
You may be looking a while. The romantic ideal that is “the one” is only going to ruin your dating experience. What if he lives in China but you’re in Chingford? Widen your search criteria and stop pining for a man you’re likely never to meet.
05. We should
Monogamy and marriage are just options – they’re not the rule. Yes, marriage equality has changed gay relationships for ever, but there are just as many gay men perfectly happy as they were. Rejecting marriage and/ or monogamy doesn’t mean you’re a traitor to equality; it’s all about the freedom to live as you like.
06. to meet someone new.
Again, this might be because you have a very head about what you want. Take a punt on someone you might not normally go for. If you mean you’re tired of the same old faces night after night, switch to a paid app or dating site – that tends to reinvigorate your options.
07. Guys on apps
There are more options to meet men than ever before, yes, but not all men on hookup apps are looking for a quickie. Sure, it might mean we’re less willing to “give someone a go” because we know there are always other men out there, but that’s always been the case. There have always been other, more eager faces in the bar.
08. Nobody will want me because I’m not masculine.
#masc4masc is a much more common dating request than it’s ever been, true, and it can be disheartening if you’re more on the, erm, you should focus on the guys who are attracted to you instead those who never will be. It’s their loss. more important than pleasing them.
09. Older guys are creeps.
Ha! two decades of being chased around bars by men who saw my utter lack of interest in them as a challenge, creepiness comes in all shapes and sizes and doesn’t kick in once you start losing count of your candles.
Golddiggers run the gamut of ages too, to be honest. Stop spending it, daddy – the ones who really like you will stick around.
11. I’m too high maintenance.
The ‘high maintenance’ trope is perhaps the silliest and least attractive trait of all. Don’t celebrate the fact you’re a total nightmare; just stop being one. Climb down from your pedestal and party among us, princess. Commoners are great.