My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly eight months, and he has recently started to ask questions about my sexual history. I don’t really see how the number of sexual partners in my past is relevant to the relationship we’re currently in. I was extremely active when I was younger, so I worry that the tally is going to wind up bothering him. Should I be honest, or should I shave a digit off my bedpost notch count? I’m not sure how much longer I can dodge the inquiries. From LB
Most important is understanding why your boyfriend is interested in knowing about your past sexual encounters. So, ask him point-blank. If he simply wants to have a better idea of the experiences that made you the stud you are today, answer his questions in a casual, matter-of-fact manner. If, however, you feel that he’s bullying you into providing private information for the purpose of judgment, you will need to have a larger conversation about trust and respect. Stand your ground and tell him only as much as makes you comfortable. It’s OK for the past to be yours alone.
When and if you decide to have a candid conversation – and in most situations, honesty is the best policy – to talk. You want to make sure that you’re chat is not rushed and that you both have the opportunity to share in equal measure.
My husband is a big talker, which I knew when I married him ten years ago. That said, I didn’t learn until recently quite how much he blabs. At a dinner with mutual friends, they began to make comments and jokes about our sex life. Apparently, my mister has been very forthcoming about our bedroom activities – right down to the size and shape of my penis. It makes me uncomfortable that longtime pals know so much intimate information about what I consider to be a sacred thing between my partner and me. How should I handle this? From AW
It sounds as though the cat is already out of the bag, so to speak, and I completely understand your discomfort. We’re extremely vulnerable when we allow ourselves to behave sexually with another human being, and you should feel secure in sharing that part of yourself with the man you love. Knowing that your husband is revealing such personal information to others in your circle of friends could very well inhibit you in the bedroom, making you uneasy about acting on your desires. It ’s imperative that you discuss this concern with your partner immediately.
Let him know that you consider his loose talk to be a breach of trust and that, in order for you to feel safe and open, the details of your sex life need to remain between the two of you. My guess is that he has no idea that you’re troubled and that he’ll tighten his lips – outside of the boudoir, at least – once you bring the matter to his attention.
I’m 22 and have been seeing a guy who’s 30 for a couple of months. I was a virgin when we met, and I’ve still yet to have anal sex with him. He’s a top and has expressed interest in taking our sexual relationship to the next level. So far, we’ve experimented only with making out, handjobs and blowjobs, but I know the big day is coming. What can I do to physically prepare myself for it? I want my penetrative intercourse to be pleasurable for both of us. From BB
Before you rush into any particular sexual activity, make certain that you’re emotionally prepared. It ’s never a good idea to move ahead with intercourse because you think it’s supposed to happen at a certain point. Always remember that the only timeline that ’s important is your own.
Once you’ve decided that you’d like to share that level of intimacy with another man, I suggest that you purchase a reasonably-sized butt plug or dildo.
Don’t try to test your – nobody is standing by to give you a trophy or a medal!
Experiment in a warm bath with plenty of lubricant, taking note of which angles and speeds are most satisfying to you.
Learning how your body responds to various stimuli will help you to guide your lover and give your career up, as it were.
Author of best-selling memoir Porn Again, available from joshsabarra.com