The two most telling phrases are
Dove (dervey) which means ‘where is,’ and Non capisco (non capeescer) which means ‘I don’t understand one single word of what you are telling me, so shut up.’ This, when uttered in a sort of wail, evokes the greatest sympathy from any Italian, who will thereafter look upon you as a poor amiable half-wit likely to part with an enormous tip if properly handled.
…And now for a few words of more general advice to the traveller. Do let me begin by imploring him, and more particularly still, her, to advance upon this great capital equipped with really comfortable shoes. I myself, through having neglected this elementary precaution, suffered the tortures of the damned. I sprained my ankle rather badly on the first day of my visit (incidentally knocking down about four Italians in the process) and was obliged thereafter to drag it, shattered and aching, round the major basilicas, up and down the Seven Hills, through the Forum, over the Palatine, and across the terrible uneven cobblestones with which the streets and squares are laid. Oh, those cobblestones!
From the archives: Louis Vuitton, 1926–1927