The international groom

ALEX can drive anything, from a Mini to an articulated lorry — and does, at great speed, and with enormous confidence. She is in high demand among professional riders, and will take your showjumpers to Madrid, your eventers to Poland or your dressage horses to Sweden without batting an eyelid.

The Paris périphérique holds no fear for Alex, and she can ease an eight-horse lorry into the centre of Rome, skimming ancient buildings by a whisker. She knows everything about ferries and the Chunnel and, quite rightly, charges a fortune for her services.

The lorry cab steadily fills up with Haribo packets and empty cigarette cartons, and she chats endlessly on the phone to mates back in England (on a Bluetooth headset, bien sûr). Alex always leads the convoy of her fellow drivers, and sees the Calais migrants as a bit of a challenge at the end of a trip.