Columnist Tessa Waugh’s hunting diary

Tessa Waugh enjoys a break from the morning pre-kennels rituals with a rosé-fuelled staycation in Northumberland while her husband is off judging puppy shows down in Somerset

MY husband, Adam, was away this weekend, judging a puppy show in Somerset. Usually, this wouldn’t be a cause for celebration. I like having him here, which is lucky really, because we spend a lot of time together.

Apparently, the average couple spends just 2% of the working day together, but for us it’s much higher because we live in the middle of nowhere and we both work from home.

“It’s good for both of us to have a break,” I said to a married friend, Hannah, whose daughter had come over to ride Alec’s pony, and she agreed heartily, in that way people do when someone states the bleeding obvious.

IHAVE compiled a list of things that improve when your husband is away: 1. You have the bed to yourself.

2. You don’t have to cook. Around 8.30pm is usually the point in the day where I turn into a “hangry” maniac, because I have forgotten to put the potatoes on. Instead of indulging in graphic daydreams about staving in Adam’s head with a saucepan (because he dared to look at me), I am settling down with a Peroni, a bowl of pasta and Monty Don on the telly.

3. A break from annoying habits. Since the beginning of May, Adam has been going to the kennels every morning for hound exercise. He leaves the house just before eight, but for some inexplicable reason his alarm goes off at 6.30am. Sometimes I get up, occasionally I am up, but most of the time I want to carry on sleeping. At 6.32am, Adam stomps off to shower and shave. Five minutes later he comes back, stomp stomp, and the ritual ensues. I should add that we have a noisy bed. Wrapped in a towel, he sits down on the bed, CREAK, looks at the iPad, CREAK, stands up to gets socks and pants, CREAK, sits down again, CREAK, puts on one sock, CREAK, then the other, CREAK and so on. By the seventh CREAK, my blood hits boiling point, at which point I get up. This routine happens every morning, except Sundays, to the extent that I am considering renting him out to the interrogators at Guantanamo Bay. They could use him on terror suspects before they go on to the more serious stuff, like waterboarding.

4. A return to pre-marital habits. At 9.30pm on Saturday evening, I was drinking rosé with our nearest neighbours — they live two miles away — with the children still at large. It’s tough being a single parent. Adam rang to report that the Taunton Vale bitch entry was the best he’d seen.

“Everything’s fine here,” I said woozily. Staycations, I can highly recommend.

‘I am considering renting my husband out to the interrogators

at Guantanamo Bay’