FUNNIES ON A MONDAY ...
WENT to the pet shop the other day and said: “I’d like to buy a goldfish.”
The assistant said: “Would you like an aquarium?”
And I said: “I don’t really care what star sign it is.” Go on, smile. It’s Monday. I phoned the local gym and asked if someone could teach me how to do the splits.
“How flexible are you?” the receptionist asked “Well, I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays.”
My chum told me he had a job in a bowling alley. “Ten pin?” I said. “No, permanent.”
I bought some Armageddon cheese today. On the packet it said: “Best Before End.” Then I went to the ice cream parlour. “Can I have an ice cream, please?” I asked the assistant. “Hundreds and thousands?” she said. “I’ll just start off with the one,” I said. “Knickerbocker glory?” she said. “Not really. It’s just how these trousers hang.”