“Everyone hates me!”
I’ve done a bad thing. Many bad things! (In fact, if I’m honest, I can’t remember when I last did a good thing.) At Christmas, after alienating all my neighbours, I ended up sleeping with my married ex. Soon after, my daughters fell from the roof of the local pub and one later died. (My son died the same way a few years back – weird, huh?) Now everyone hates me! What can I do?
Yours mournfully, Max from Walford
Aw, Maxy. That’s made me dead sad that has. My advice: do something to stop your family climbing all over that bloomin’ pub! (Or mebbe ask the landlord to put up some sort of railing?) I work in a boozer meself, and I can promise you that nay beggar has ever fallen off the top of it.
As for making friends… Well, you kindly included a photograph with your letter – and you look quite the little pocket rocket! I’ve always found bald men that bit more… frisky, if you know what I mean? Should you ever end up down Weatherfield way, give me a bell – I’ll put a smile on yer face!