Death lurking in my healthy diet
I can’t say that the risk of reducing my chances of ovulation is likely to put me off yoghurt
WHAT’S that old joke? You remember: Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t eat too much, don’t fool around. No, it won’t make you live longer. It’ll just feel like it. I must confess, these days, my token gesture towards diet and fitness is low-fat yoghurt and Morrisons multi-vitamins. So imagine my consternation to see the front page of The Times devoted to photographs of yoghurt and multivitamins, warning me that not only might they be impairing ovulation but also increasing my mortality rate by five per cent. Now, the headline: “These may increase risk of death” obviously needs to be interpreted rather loosely, because, unless I have missed an even bigger medical breakthrough story, there is not much one can do to decrease the risk of death, the thing being, as I have always understood it (and don’t forget my wife was a nurse) more or less inevitable. Nor can I say that the risk of reducing my chances of ovulation is likely to put me off yoghurt, especially at Morrisons’ long-standing five-for-89p offer. But food generally is having to endure a bit of a Dessert Storm at the moment. If it’s not the Prince of Wales dissin’ McDonald’s in much the same way that President Bush talks about the Iranians, it’s threats to take that 14st eight-year-old from Wallsend into care (mother: “I get angry because people feed him in the street”) and a bizarre ban on advertising cheese and porridge during children’s TV. I have to admit to being a little defensive about McDonald’s, because, while it’s always nice to be adventurous in dining, at least there you always know what you’re going to get, all around the world. It may be a cultural cop-out in Tokyo or New Delhi, but when you want a snack before football it’s a lot more appetising than some of the greasy spoons and dingy kebab shops down the Tottenham High Road. What? Exercise? Oh, yes, I do still get some, even now. Pushing the trolley to the yoghurt shelf, bending down to pick up The Times . . . I can feel my risk of death decreasing all the time.