Kerrang! (UK) - - Gigs -


THE HOB­BIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG, 8PM, ITV DAVYD WIN­TER-BATES (BASS): “Bend­ing­bars Cu­cum­ber­patch voices a dev­as­tat­ingly-charm­ing dragon guard­ing a trea­sure from a bunch of an­gry chil­dren with axes. I like watch­ing this movie be­cause it’s a re­minder to me how much bet­ter Lord Of The Rings was.”


MICHAEL MCIN­TYRE’S BIG SHOW, 7:25PM, BBC1 DAV: “The only rea­son I’ll be watch­ing this show is to metic­u­lously study his man­ner­isms and move­ments, so when I even­tu­ally do end him, wear his skin as a suit and take his place, no-one will ever know.there is only room for one av­er­age over­weight co­me­dian and I’m al­ready fill­ing that gap.”

THE MUP­PET CHRIST­MAS CAROL, 5:50PM C4 DANI WIN­TER-BATES (VO­CALS): “The Mup­pet Christ­mas Carol is hon­estly the best thing to hap­pen to Christ­mas since Santa was born on this day 2016 years ago to two elves named Edna and Kevin. It’s so good that we ac­tu­ally lis­ten to the sound­track whilst driv­ing around and imag­in­ing Rizzo’s with us, be­cause he’s the best.”

THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE, 9PM, E4 DANI: “The movie that gave ev­ery teenage boy un­re­al­is­tic ex­pec­ta­tions of a ‘lads hol­i­day’, no-one can ac­tu­ally sleep in an ants’ nest. I’ve never re­ally been on a lads hol­i­day, but if I was go­ing to I think that my first hol­i­day away from my par­ents would have been just like this, with less booze, less girls, more cry­ing and a large room ser­vice bill.”


THE QUEEN’S SPEECH, 3PM, ITV DANI: “I’m go­ing to sit my arse down and lis­ten to Ol’ Lizzy give me an in­spi­ra­tional talk­ing to. Half way through I’ll get bored and press mute, us­ing the rest of the speech to voice her over with my very own speech – which al­beit isn’t as in­spi­ra­tional, but just a series of drunken mus­ings about other times I’ve also been drunk.”

THE GREAT CHRIST­MAS BAKE OFF, 4:45PM, BBC 1 DAV: “It’s the end of an era. No more Mary. No more in­nu­en­does! There’s go­ing to be tears as we say good­bye to the most Bri­tish of pro­grammes! So raise your soggy bot­toms to the sky as we say good­bye, be­cause – let’s face it – none of us will watch it on Chan­nel 4.”

HOME ALONE, CHAN­NEL 4, 6PM DANI: “When I was a kid I was more pissed-off that my house wasn’t big enough to set traps from po­ten­tial forced en­tries. In­stead, I’d sit by the let­ter­box with a can of LYNX and a lighter.”


LEGO’S BIG CHRIST­MAS, 8PM, C4 DAV: “No fes­tive sea­son is com­plete with­out Lego. I’ve got no idea what this is go­ing to be, but what I’d re­ally love is if it was an hour-long stop-frame recre­ation of the great­est hits of MCR. Imag­ine it, though, that would be a Christ­mas mir­a­cle I think we would all en­joy.”

THE BIG FAT QUIZ OFTHE YEAR 2016, 9PM, C4 DAV: “Ev­ery year I prom­ise my­self I’ll watch this but end up asleep be­fore the end.this year I will tri­umph and make it past the fin­ish line! Richard Ayoade is my hero, and so I try and watch ev­ery­thing he’s in.”


THE 50 GREAT­EST HARRY POT­TER MOMENTS, 4:10PM, ITV DAV: “I’m go­ing to sit in my robes, with my wand out wav­ing it wildly at the screen as we count down the best Pot­ter moments.this is ac­tu­ally go­ing to be a must-watch for me, but the real ques­tion is: would the top 50 film moments be even re­motely sim­i­lar to the top 50 book moments?”

LABYRINTH, 4:10PM, C5 DAV: “I’ve ac­tu­ally watched this twice this year al­ready. It was al­ways one of my favourite movies, even be­fore the tragic loss of Bowie this year. I was ob­sessed with this,the Dark Crys­tal and Grem­lins as a kid, and would al­ways watch them around this time of year.and this year will be no dif­fer­ent.”


WHAT BRITAIN BOUGHT IN 2016, 8PM, C4 BOTH: “Hope­fully Earth­bound [Bury To­mor­row’s fourth al­bum]!”

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