THE ULTIMATE ROCKSTAR TEST BERT MCCRACKEN THE USED
MORMONS LOVE HIM. DRUM TECHS FEAR HIM. BUT DOES THAT MAKE BERT A GOLD-MEDAL ROCKSTAR?
ON ROCK’N’ROLL… WHERE’S THE WEIRDEST PLACE YOU’VE EVER BEEN RECOGNISED?
“At the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, seeing my dad sing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. There were quite a few people noticing me, and it became a weird little meet-and-greet situation. All the Mormons, they love The Used!”
WHAT’S THE WORST STATE YOU’VE LEFT A HOTEL ROOM IN?
“In the early days we destroyed two hotel rooms – literally destroyed them. We carved a man-sized mouse hole between our rooms and threw stuff out of this 30th floor window into the pool below. It’s all very foggy now, but we were charged $30,000.”
HAVE YOU EVER SHED BLOOD IN THE NAME OF ROCK’N’ROLL?
“Not just blood – I’ve broken a lot of bones, and fractured a few of my emotional bones, too! I once fell 12 feet right onto my elbow and shattered it to pieces. My whole arm was black for ages! I was a complete mess, but I got back onstage and finished the show.” Instead of going to the hospital? Maybe that’s why your arm went weird…
FAILURES AND FUCK-UPS… HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN RIDICULOUSLY LOST ON TOUR?
“I got lost in transit on our way to Yekaterinburg in Russia. I had a really long layover in Dubai and none of the airline desks were open, and when they did open my ticket wasn’t coming up and nobody had ever heard of Yekaterinburg! Finally, I managed to find some guy who spoke Russian and he helped me get there, but time was really tight.”
HAVE YOU EVER ACCIDENTALLY INJURED A BANDMATE?
“Not a band member, but once in Barcelona I whipped this mic stand around my head, and the concrete base flew off like a discus and hit our drum tech right in the head! He was really messed up and had to get a bunch of stitches. I felt so terrible! I’ve been super-nice to him for the rest of my life.” We should bloody well hope so!
LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS… WHO IS THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN YOUR PHONE BOOK?
“Dave Grohl. Around 10 years ago I started saying in every interview,‘ if you ever see Dave, tell him to call Bert!’ His tour manager heard and gave me his number. I called him and he didn’t answer, but he later left me this really sweet voicemail. Since then we’ve become friends and we recorded at his place, Studio 606. He’s a fine gentleman and a scholar among men.”
WHAT’S THE MOST EXTRAVAGANT THING YOU’VE EVER BOUGHT?
“Right now, a brand new Hyundai that cost at least $13,000, so nothing too crazy! We tend to strive for less than what we have, and I’m trying to teach my daughter that.” Steady on there, Gene Simmons…
ON THE HYPOTHETICAL… FOR $100,000 WOULD YOU GO WITHOUT WASHING FOR THREE MONTHS?
“Of course! Donald Trump is trying to hold up aid to the Palestinians, so if I got all grungy for three months I could donate it to them. If it’s for a good cause I think my bandmates would stand behind me. Or in front of me… Whichever way the wind is blowing!”
IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE, WHO WOULD PLAY YOU?
“Mac Culkin. He doesn’t like Macaulay anymore, it’s just Mac. I think he’s underrated! What more do you have to be in than Home Alone? That’s enough for me!” Coming to cinemas soon: Bert Mccracken is The Stinky Bandit!
SPIRITUAL HEADMELTER… DO YOU THINK YOU’VE LIVED A PAST LIFE?
“No. I sincerely hope we’re getting to a point where belief becomes completely arbitrary, because we’ll know the truth. I don’t discredit any beliefs, but until there’s proof, I’m going to believe I came here out of blind nothingness and I’ll return to the void as terrified as I was coming in.” Well, that’s certainly a cheery note to end on. Thanks, Bert…
“I GOT LOST IN TRANSIT ON MY WAY TO RUSSIA!” BERT MCCRACKEN