the NEW WAY to get Dumped… IS It CRUEL?
Are You Being Politely Dumped?
There’s never a good way to end a relationship, but – according to experts – here’s how to split now…
tinder, Bumble, Happn… 41 per cent of 25-34-year-olds are trying to find their dream partner online. But did you know that 70 per cent of Tinder users aren’t operating exclusively, while over half are already in a relationship? Nice, huh? It’s that attitude that’s made us, well, flippant about ending things properly. Two dates in we might call it quits by replying later and later. And who hasn’t had an amazing night out with someone only to never hear from them again? It’s enough to make us want to avoid dating altogether.
However, therapist Esther Perel reckons she has the answer to our dating woes. Dubbed ‘power parting’, it’s ending a relationship in a way that’s positive for both parties. She explains: ‘The dumper communicates to the dumpee: “This isn’t working for me. I enjoyed our time together and wish you all my best.”’ In return, the dumpee gets ‘clarity, a faster healing time and no haunting hopes or ambiguity’.
Esther insists power parting is much better than techniques such as ‘ghosting’ (cutting all contact), ‘icing’ (making up an excuse) and ‘shimmering’ (reducing the frequency of dates until the other party drifts away), which are making ambiguous relationships more acceptable.
‘We want to have our cake and eat it,’ she says. ‘We want to have someone available to cosy up with when it’s snowing, but if something better comes along we want the freedom to explore.’
Online dating has lead to a blurring of boundaries, which means we’re losing that ‘will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend?’ stage. And when there’s a split, it causes more heartache.
‘The ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly,’ believes Esther. ‘Ending a relationship, however brief, respectfully allows both people to move on with a clear head.’
So whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of the date-dumping process, consider it a wardrobe update: Clear out the old to make room for the new – only the season’s hottest trends should be left hanging…