the NEW WAY to get Dumped… IS It CRUEL?

Are You Be­ing Po­litely Dumped?

Look (UK) - - CONTENTS -

There’s never a good way to end a re­la­tion­ship, but – ac­cord­ing to ex­perts – here’s how to split now…

tin­der, Bum­ble, Happn… 41 per cent of 25-34-year-olds are try­ing to find their dream part­ner on­line. But did you know that 70 per cent of Tin­der users aren’t op­er­at­ing ex­clu­sively, while over half are al­ready in a re­la­tion­ship? Nice, huh? It’s that at­ti­tude that’s made us, well, flip­pant about end­ing things prop­erly. Two dates in we might call it quits by re­ply­ing later and later. And who hasn’t had an amaz­ing night out with some­one only to never hear from them again? It’s enough to make us want to avoid dat­ing al­to­gether.

How­ever, ther­a­pist Es­ther Perel reck­ons she has the an­swer to our dat­ing woes. Dubbed ‘power part­ing’, it’s end­ing a re­la­tion­ship in a way that’s pos­i­tive for both par­ties. She ex­plains: ‘The dumper com­mu­ni­cates to the dumpee: “This isn’t work­ing for me. I en­joyed our time to­gether and wish you all my best.”’ In re­turn, the dumpee gets ‘clar­ity, a faster heal­ing time and no haunt­ing hopes or am­bi­gu­ity’.

Es­ther in­sists power part­ing is much bet­ter than tech­niques such as ‘ghost­ing’ (cut­ting all con­tact), ‘ic­ing’ (mak­ing up an ex­cuse) and ‘shim­mer­ing’ (re­duc­ing the fre­quency of dates un­til the other party drifts away), which are mak­ing am­bigu­ous re­la­tion­ships more ac­cept­able.

‘We want to have our cake and eat it,’ she says. ‘We want to have some­one avail­able to cosy up with when it’s snow­ing, but if some­thing bet­ter comes along we want the free­dom to ex­plore.’

On­line dat­ing has lead to a blur­ring of bound­aries, which means we’re los­ing that ‘will you be my boyfriend/girl­friend?’ stage. And when there’s a split, it causes more heartache.

‘The abil­ity to com­mu­ni­cate vir­tu­ally doesn’t give us the right to treat oth­ers poorly,’ be­lieves Es­ther. ‘End­ing a re­la­tion­ship, how­ever brief, re­spect­fully al­lows both peo­ple to move on with a clear head.’

So whether you’re on the giv­ing or re­ceiv­ing end of the date-dump­ing process, con­sider it a wardrobe up­date: Clear out the old to make room for the new – only the sea­son’s hottest trends should be left hang­ing…

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.