how Do you know when your Relationship is over?
With new research claiming that 60 per cent of us have stayed in unhappy relationships, how do you know when it’s time to go?
He told me to calm down
Ican remember the exact moment that I realised my four-and-a-half year relationship was over. It was my birthday, and after two years of being very unhappy, I looked at my boyfriend and felt nothing. It had taken countless rows, hundreds of tearful phone calls and dozens of ruined nights out, but I had finally got there.
After my friends often telling me to dump him, I’d eventually done it. Why? Because he told me to calm down. After years of being told I was oversensitive when I explained how I felt, it was the final straw.
I’d always thought I was unusual for staying in an unhappy relationship but according to research from Yougov, a massive six in 10 of us have. Ending a relationship is a big deal. Whether it’s been a few months or many years, when the sex has sizzled out: breaking up is hard to do.
Ellen, 31, from Kent, told me she stayed with her fiancé for five years, despite knowing it wasn’t right. ‘When we got engaged it felt like it would be embarrassing to break up and sometimes it would work for a day or two. The tipping point came when, after working away for six weeks, he went straight out with his mates instead of seeing me. It showed me how selfish he was.’ Salama Marine, psychologist at elitesingles.co.uk, explains: ‘Many women stay in unhappy relationships for security or by habit. Over time, their expectations towards their partner decrease and they completely forget their needs.’
Which might explain why the research found 23 per cent of us have stayed in a relationship after lies, 37 per cent of us have stuck around despite inconsideration for our feelings and a staggering 14 per cent forgave cheating.
Everyone goes through rough patches and no-one wants to end a relationship only to regret it. So how are you supposed to tell when it’s time to call things quits?
According to life coach Lisa Palmer, you should ask yourself three questions: ‘Has it been going on for a long time? Is it a new problem or something you’ve tried to fix before? And, are you staying together because you want the relationship to work, or because you’re scared of being alone?’
In a nutshell, if it’s a reoccurring problem, you’ve had second thoughts for a long time and are scared of being alone, it’s time to call it quits. Also, if you stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy, you won’t be looking for someone who does.
Laura Bourne, 30, says meeting her current husband was a catalyst for leaving her ex. ‘We were planning our wedding when my now husband, started working at my place. I drunkenly told him I liked him and wished I was single. He said he felt the same. I went home and broke up with my fiancé. It was a horrible time but ultimately led to my relationship with my husband.’
Breaking up is hard – no matter how long you’ve been together