Do you feel like you’re not meet­ing Mr or Mrs (swipe) right? Maybe you’re ask­ing the wrong things

Look (UK) - - CONTENTS -

Sun­day nights, for many of us, are spent hope­lessly trawl­ing through Bum­ble/tin­der/ Happn, des­per­ately try­ing to fig­ure out if Ben who has the vague dis­ci­pline of ‘IT’ is re­ally at­trac­tive or only in that one grainy selfie he’s taken in his mum’s bath­room. But even if you’re in a re­la­tion­ship, cast your mind back and think about what you asked each other at the very start – maybe there’s some­thing you wish you’d known then (like that bad toe­nail clip­ping habit)? With Tin­der alone claim­ing to have over 50 mil­lion users world­wide, half the bat­tle is find­ing com­mon ground with a per­fect stranger and weed­ing out the ones who are no match at all – hope­fully in as few messages as pos­si­ble.

Now, we can’t say this is a de­fin­i­tive sci­ence – some­times there are no rules, or those that to­tally defy them – but if you think your Tin­der small talk might be a lit­tle stag­nant, then this fea­ture is most def­i­nitely for you. We asked the UK’S top dat­ing gu­rus (and a few opin­ion­ated mem­bers of the Look team) to tell us what they think we should be ask­ing po­ten­tial suit­ors... Hey, it can’t hurt, right?

‘What Are Three Things On Your Bucket List?’

Amélie Guer­ard, head of matchmaking at dat­ing app Once ‘Try ask­ing some­thing that makes them think about them­selves in a pos­i­tive way rather than an in­ter­ro­ga­tion. One of the things I sug­gest to my clients is: “What are three things on your bucket list?” Don’t say “top three”, so as to al­low your date to leave out things they might be shy about, yet you can de­duce if some­one’s a trav­eller, ad­ven­tur­ous or per­haps is re­ally naughty by their an­swer.’

‘What’s Your Favourite Food?’

Hay­ley O’hare, au­thor of Tin­der Tac­tics (£6.99, Scar­let Edi­tions) ‘It makes quite a good con­ver­sa­tion starter, as we all have to eat! I find it’s a handy opener to find out what their in­ter­ests are with­out sound­ing too heavy. They might en­joy a cer­tain cui­sine or may tell you about an amaz­ing dish they had on a par­tic­u­lar ad­ven­ture, which opens you up to a dis­cus­sion. Also, there’s no point in start­ing some­thing to later find out they’re a fussy eater while you’re a bud­ding chef.’

‘What Makes You Happy?’

James Preece, dat­ing guru ‘The best ques­tions are short but in­ter­est­ing. You can find out a lot about a per­son by their re­sponse – if they’re clever, they’ll go with some­thing thought­ful and real.’

‘What’s Your Mum Like?’

Whit­ney Wolfe, founder and CEO of dat­ing app Bum­ble ‘See­ing how a per­son speaks about their mother is very re­veal­ing. Are they re­spect­ful? Are they close to their fam­ily? Would you po­ten­tially be spend­ing all of your time with their fam­ily on hol­i­days, or can you jet off to Fiji to­gether?’

‘What’s Your Ideal Week­end?’

Caro­line Brealey, founder of matchmaking site mu­tu­alat­trac­ ‘I would say it’s im­por­tant to ask a ques­tion that’s mean­ing­ful to you, so if you’re into mu­sic try: “What’s your desert is­land disc?” If you’re sporty, some­thing like: “What’s the ul­ti­mate chal­lenge you would love to tackle one day?” would be ap­pro­pri­ate.’

‘What Do You Look For In A Part­ner?’

Jo Bar­nett, dat­ing coach from dat­ing­ ‘It’s im­por­tant to ask this be­cause you need to hear and lis­ten to who this per­son is, rather than who you want them to be. You’re lis­ten­ing for shared val­ues and com­mon goals and tak­ing your time to re­ally get to know the per­son, rather than jump­ing in on emo­tions or raw at­trac­tion. This is what cre­ates last­ing suc­cess.’

Never meet an awk­ward si­lence again...

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