THE QUESTIONS TO ASK your HOT DATE
Do you feel like you’re not meeting Mr or Mrs (swipe) right? Maybe you’re asking the wrong things
Sunday nights, for many of us, are spent hopelessly trawling through Bumble/tinder/ Happn, desperately trying to figure out if Ben who has the vague discipline of ‘IT’ is really attractive or only in that one grainy selfie he’s taken in his mum’s bathroom. But even if you’re in a relationship, cast your mind back and think about what you asked each other at the very start – maybe there’s something you wish you’d known then (like that bad toenail clipping habit)? With Tinder alone claiming to have over 50 million users worldwide, half the battle is finding common ground with a perfect stranger and weeding out the ones who are no match at all – hopefully in as few messages as possible.
Now, we can’t say this is a definitive science – sometimes there are no rules, or those that totally defy them – but if you think your Tinder small talk might be a little stagnant, then this feature is most definitely for you. We asked the UK’S top dating gurus (and a few opinionated members of the Look team) to tell us what they think we should be asking potential suitors... Hey, it can’t hurt, right?
‘What Are Three Things On Your Bucket List?’
Amélie Guerard, head of matchmaking at dating app Once ‘Try asking something that makes them think about themselves in a positive way rather than an interrogation. One of the things I suggest to my clients is: “What are three things on your bucket list?” Don’t say “top three”, so as to allow your date to leave out things they might be shy about, yet you can deduce if someone’s a traveller, adventurous or perhaps is really naughty by their answer.’
‘What’s Your Favourite Food?’
Hayley O’hare, author of Tinder Tactics (£6.99, Scarlet Editions) ‘It makes quite a good conversation starter, as we all have to eat! I find it’s a handy opener to find out what their interests are without sounding too heavy. They might enjoy a certain cuisine or may tell you about an amazing dish they had on a particular adventure, which opens you up to a discussion. Also, there’s no point in starting something to later find out they’re a fussy eater while you’re a budding chef.’
‘What Makes You Happy?’
James Preece, dating guru ‘The best questions are short but interesting. You can find out a lot about a person by their response – if they’re clever, they’ll go with something thoughtful and real.’
‘What’s Your Mum Like?’
Whitney Wolfe, founder and CEO of dating app Bumble ‘Seeing how a person speaks about their mother is very revealing. Are they respectful? Are they close to their family? Would you potentially be spending all of your time with their family on holidays, or can you jet off to Fiji together?’
‘What’s Your Ideal Weekend?’
Caroline Brealey, founder of matchmaking site mutualattraction.co.uk ‘I would say it’s important to ask a question that’s meaningful to you, so if you’re into music try: “What’s your desert island disc?” If you’re sporty, something like: “What’s the ultimate challenge you would love to tackle one day?” would be appropriate.’
‘What Do You Look For In A Partner?’
Jo Barnett, dating coach from datingcoach.me.uk ‘It’s important to ask this because you need to hear and listen to who this person is, rather than who you want them to be. You’re listening for shared values and common goals and taking your time to really get to know the person, rather than jumping in on emotions or raw attraction. This is what creates lasting success.’
Never meet an awkward silence again...